it's not the same

Chapter 3

Rose woke up early to feel a heavy arm around her waist. She sighed. These kinds of things were hard for her, the touches, the nicknames, but the hardest thing was obviously the sex. She trained herself to wake up early so she wouldn't have to face him and could leave before he woke up.

She got out of the bed, replacing his arm and walked into the shower, feeling the cold water stream over her body. She thought of Luisa. If she would remember a lot of yesterday. Of course she would, she didn't drink and that was a good thing, but it also hurt because Rose knew she would have to deal with all the memories and Luisa was not good at that.

She shook her head, forcing her mind off Luisa. She had gotten under her skin and Rose wasn't able to let her go anymore but she knew she would have to eventually and that thought frightened her. She was scared of losing and hurting her, but she knew that she already completed the second part and she hated it. Normally she wouldn't feel like this. She didn't care about people's feelings, she didn't have many of her own so she couldn't feel with them but then there was Luisa, and everything seemed to be different with her, she felt so much when she was around her and it confused the shit out of her and she couldn't stop worrying about her, about the way Luisa felt and the way she made her feel because she knew it wasn't all that good.

Rose shook the thought out of her mind while stepping out of the shower and throwing on one of the dresses Emilio bought for her. It wasn't really her style but she didn't have much of a choice, she needed to come over as a happy wife and accepting the gifts you get from your husband was a part of that.

She stepped back into the bedroom and looked at Emilio, he was snoring loudly. She couldn't imagine her being with him for anything, god, there was nothing she would want to do more than leave him and go away from here, leave everything behind her and start another life. But then again there was Luisa and she couldn't leave her, she wouldn't have the strength to do that.

She decided to go work for a bit when she didn't have much to do. The sooner everything was done, the sooner she could divorce him but there was one thing she hadn't thought about. The pregnancy. She obviously didn't want the baby, she never wanted one and absolutely not with Emilio. It had come completely unexpected and she considered taking it away but it felt like a big step and Emilio already knew of it so he would obviously be surprised if she suddenly took an abortion, maybe even mad and she couldn't risk that in the sake of the plan.

Het eyes fell on her computer, glancing at all the mails she got, mostly from associates who helped her a lot. She couldn't concentrate, her situation was too fucked-up for her to handle since this was the first time she experienced something like this... feeling. She closed her eyes, trying to come at ease when she heard the door in front of her open and Emilio walking in. She quickly changed her mails to a shopping site when he came towards her and pecked her on the forehead.

"I'm leaving for work, darling." He spoke and looked at the computer screen, "if there's anything you want, just let me know."

She just smiled at him and nodded, waiting until he left the room before she could continue what she was doing.

***

Rose stared at the blank screen in front of her. She had done nothing in an hour, feeling tired and not because she hadn't had enough sleep, but because she was tired of all these confusing things around her. It scared her.

She sighed when she heard a knock at the door, closing all the tabs on her computer before opening it.

She was surprised when she opened it, not expecting the visitor to show up at her door. Her brown eyes were beautiful and there was a look of curiosity in it like always.

"Luisa..." Rose managed to get out, taking in her body before she stepped aside to let the brunette enter the room.

Luisa walked in, playing with the tops of her fingers, meaning that she was nervous. She stayed silent and Rose closed the door, turning towards her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked and walked further in the room, trying to sound as normal as possible, not harsh and not like she cared because once she would take that road she knew it wouldn't end well.

"Uhm..." Luisa hesitated. "I wanted to thank you." She looked up at Rose, making eye-contact.

"For?" Rose asked.

"Yesterday. It meant a lot that you were there for me at that moment and I know I haven't been easy on you so thank you." She said and there was something in her voice that sounded sad.

"It's nothing. It was my fault, I made you feel that way and I never wanted you to be hurt," Rose swallowed, knowing that the words she was going to say next were going to be painful. "I shouldn't have met you that night, it wasn't fair towards you and we could've had a normal stepmother-stepdaughter relationship."

She looked away. "So, all I meant to you was a mistake? Just sex?" Her voice was trembling and tears shot in the corner of her eyes, trying to hide them from Rose.

The redhead momentarily closed her eyes, taking a deep breath to say what would be best for both of them. "Yes."

Luisa turned around, ready to leave and managed to get out a weak "okay" but before she could open the door, Rose held it, blocking her from going outside.

"I'm sorry Lu." She said and looked at Luisa when she nodded. She could see the tears rolling down her cheeks and it hit something in her, hard because she never wanted to do this. All she wanted to do at this moment was taking the brunette in her arms and kissing her, but she knew that was far from everything she wanted. She wanted to wake up next to her every morning, having walks on the beach with their hands locked, kissing her in public but she was scared to admit that to herself because she never thought she would be able to want something like that and she knew it would never be true.

She let go of the door and with that Luisa opened it, leaving the room without another glance at Rose who was left inside, alone with her mind that was screaming at her.