roommates // na jaemin

11 | tears

september 30th, 2019

7:38 pm

i felt a yawn creep up my throat as i struggled to keep my eyes open. i had been studying for an entire hour, but nothing was sticking with me. i just became more and more frustrated the longer i stared at my textbook.

     i decided i'd had enough, so i pushed my papers away and held my face in my hands. i was very hard on myself when it came to schoolwork, so when i did something incorrectly it truly angered me. and i was becoming especially upset tonight, as i wasn't getting anything right.

     i remembered that i still had to talk to jaemin tonight, which only upset me more. i was currently the only one at our the dorm. i had no clue where jaemin was, but i was thankful he wasn't anywhere near me. i didn't want him to see me like this.

     i sat in silence a while longer, just looking at my papers and books before bursting out into tears. the stress of always having to be perfect became too much for me to handle. tears flew down my cheeks and my sobs grew louder with each passing second.

"why am i like this?" i silently whispered to myself.

my chest hurt from heaving and i started to develop a headache, but nothing stopped my tears from falling.

suddenly, i heard the door to the room open and i tried to silence my cries. whoever it was didn't need to see how broken i was. but my sobs were still clearly audible as i heard the person walk over to me.

"yujin?" they worriedly called out.

i recognized the voice with ease. it was jaemin. i tightly shut my eyes and sniffled. i was happy he was here, but i didn't know what to say. i felt ashamed that he had to see me like this.

"yujin, what's wrong?" the boy asked. i could hear the concern in his voice.

"i... i... a-am f-fine," i stuttered through muffled cries.

i felt him sit down next to me and grab my hands. i let him intertwine his fingers with mine and i looked up to him.

"don't lie, i know you're not okay," jaemin frowned. he suddenly pulled me into a hug and i rested my head on his shoulder. i didn't push him away, instead, i wrapped my arms around him and started to cry again.

i felt jaemin rub my back and run his hands through my hair. my sobs were silenced as he comforted me with his warm embrace. i held him closer to me and buried my face in his chest.

"it's okay, i'm not going to let you go," jaemin assured me. his words made me feel protected and cared for. i didn't want him to leave.

"i-i'm so sorry," i mumbled.

jaemin looked down at me in confusion. "for what?"

"for pushing you away and acting so rude towards you all the time," my eyes met his worried gaze and a tear fell down my cheek.

jaemin held my face and wiped my tears away before resting his head on mine. "you don't have anything to be sorry for, yujin," he told me. "i'm the one who should be sorry."

i softly shook my head and firmly held my arms together. "no, you shouldn't be," i murmured.

"no, yujin, i'm serious. i'm sorry for playing with your feelings and being such a dickhead all the time," jaemin shamefully explained.

my eyes met his once again and i just stared at him for a bit. "jaemin, you're fine," i stated.

the boy hung his head low and brought his hands back to his lap. "yujin, i... i..." he was cut off short when his phone started to ring.

jaemin stood up and grabbed his phone. "it's my mom," he explained, "i have to take this, i'm sorry."

i felt my body fill with sadness the moment he left my side, but i just nodded my head. "it's okay," i smiled up to him.

"thanks for understanding," jaemin replied and turned away.

the boy whispered into his phone, but i still managed to hear bits of the conversation he was having with his mother.

"yes, mom, i talked to her. n-no, what?!? we're not dating! stop it!" i heard jaemin mumble.

who's he talking about? i thought to myself with furrowed brows.

jaemin said his goodbyes and sighed before hanging up. he was about to step into his bed when i called out to him. the boy turned to me and smirked.

"jaemin? what were you gonna tell me before you had to pick up your phone?" i questioned with curious eyes.

his smile was wiped away the moment i finished my sentence. he looked like he was at a loss for words and he scratched the back of his head.

"i... i was just gonna say sorry again," jaemin claimed and darted his gaze away.

i opened my mouth to respond, but all that came out was an 'oh.' i turned the lights off before settling into bed to fall asleep.

i pulled my blankets above my head and sighed. i wished jaemin was still by my side. i wish i still felt his warm embrace and comforting touch, but we were only friends. he hugged me because i was sad, just like what any other friend would do. though i didn't think friends were supposed feel the way i did when he held me so tightly in his arms.

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A/N: yayyy another chapter. any thoughts? i personally think this is one of my favorite chapters that i've written so far :)