ForNever

Three

Kyle. He was my first boyfriend.

We were just 14 that time. Too young. Too innocent. They say we won't even last a month, but hey, we lasted for three years.

First holding hands, first hug, first kiss. I had it all with him.

He's the first guy who gave me flowers. I love it when he makes those cheesy letters with his amazing drawings. Those little lies we made just to be with each other. Secret codes.

Everybody sees us as the perfect pair. Our relationship is really known in our campus and you'll hear nothing but us being the best couple. Everyone is too confident that we will last, until now, every time I go home to our province and accidentally bump into someone I know, they'll ask "How are you? How's Kyle?".

First love is first love. No one can define how good it feels. In my part, I think I had the best man. Right love, wrong time.

No good thing was made to last... Sad but true...

Obviously, we broke up. Not because we fall out of love, but because of our parents' decisions (or should I just say his mom's). I actually wished it to be something else. A fight maybe. Or a third party. He refused to give us up but I ended the fight when I agreed with "our" parents. To let each other go.
It made me cry an ocean for a week. I was really down that time. Kyle has been my definition of a good guy since then.  I swore no one will ever replace him.

After half a year, I met Chris and took the risk of being in a relationship again. Unfair. Yes, indeed. Cos I'm not that in love with him, but I thought that we have a lot of time. Maybe as time goes by, my feeling would grow deeper and deeper.

First month was okay but things started to get wrong. On the second month, it started to feel like its just a one-sided relationship and few more months later, I decided to quit. What's the sense of holding onto nothing? He's always cursing me, almost tried to hit me, yet says he loves me so much. I think he needs medical help.

Blaming it all on him will not set things right. I'm as guilty as our corrupt public officials. I cried, not actually because of losing what we have, but because of regret. I regret being in a relationship for the second time. I regret using someone.

Now, I'm here. Single for four months now (But I actually consider myself single for a year now. I can't count what Chris and I had, can I?) and I feel okay. There is always that sting in my chest every time I remember him but no tears fall.

"Stop it. He's nothing like Kyle. No one will ever be like Kyle..." and I cover my mouth with my two hands.

"Ooooh. Oookay??? So it's Kyle."

"Always." and one tear fell. Yup, just one. I held my emotions and didn't let another sign of weakness fall.

They didn't ask me again. I think the message is clear. As bad as it sounds, Chris was a rebound.

"We'll stop talking about Chris then, cos obviously, it won't make sense. But Kyle is a different story. You're really into him eh?" Anne finishes the salad.

I answered with a weak smile.

The world was too wonderful when we're together. I was at my happiest every single day. That's being in love. That's what I don't have now. I am still trapped in my past. Trapped, yes. But I never really did something to break free. Kyle set the highest mark when it comes to boys, and so far, no one reached even half of it.

"Let's end that Kyle thing. I don't want this place flooded with Kate's tears tonight" Jenna hugs me, so does Anne. "I hope that guy comes soon. I can't wait to see that true smile" Anne adds.