Dear Love Of Mine

Social Media

-Scott-

I sat at my computer desk all alone in my quiet apartment. I decided to play Beyoncé as loud as possible while I browsed the internet.

I was on a social media site when I passed a post by one of my friends who just had a baby. My friend Derek and his husband Lance just had a daughter named Abby and she's so cute. I've always been jealous of them. They're happy together and have an amazing family. I want to be married to someone someday. And have kids with them. But I'm confused. About my sexuality I mean. I've never quite liked anyone. Boy or girl. But recently I've been confused about which gender I like. I wish I had someone to talk to.
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I really wanna talk to someone about what I'm feeling. Hopefully someone who has gone through it. So I decided to make a post on a site none of my personal friends followed me on. I asked for help with confusion on sexuality and hoping someone who has been through it first hand could help.

An hour later, I got a message from someone on my topic of confusion. It was from someone named, Mitch Grassi? I clicked on the message and read it thoughtfully.

Hello Scott! My name is Mitch and I think I may be able to help you with your situation. I am a gay man living my life proudly. I have been where you are, a while ago, and think I may be able to get you out of your funk. Message me back and let me know what I could help you with.

-Mitch Grassi xo

I decided to message him back. I thought about what to say but nothing really sounded right so I just told him the truth.

Hi Mitch! Scott here. I got your message and decided to "allow your help". I'm in a situation where I'm confused about my sexuality. I have no one to talk to that will help me and care about what I have to say. I'm not sure if you're that person that will help and care, but if you are, I just need advice on how to come to terms with myself. I don't hate gay people, but I don't want to be gay myself. (No offense!) I grew up with a very strict family and was always told homosexuality is wrong and a sin. I do not believe that at all, but that doesn't mean I am okay with me being gay. Please help!

-Scott

I sent him the message hoping he wouldn't send me back too much hate.
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After I ate dinner, I checked my messages. I had a notification for one so I clicked on it.

Hi Scott. I know coming to terms with your sexuality is very hard, but don't feel ashamed of who you are. Being gay is okay. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure your family would love you no matter what, Scott. I would like to understand why you wouldn't want to be gay. Is it because of your family, or because you're not comfortable being with another man? Please explain that to me so I can help you!

-Mitch xo

I wrote him back right away.

Mitch, I'm not "uncomfortable" being gay per-say, but I guess I worry too much about what other people think of me. I know, it's stupid and I shouldn't care what other people think. But it's mainly about my family. I'm worried that I'll disappoint them if I'm gay. Which, I know I will. I've been trying so hard to push these feelings away, but they won't leave my head. I'm sorry if I am offending you at all, but I'm trying my hardest to be honest with you.

-Scott

He messaged me right back asking for my phone number so we could speak. I sent him mine and I picked up as soon as my phone rang.

"Hello? Is this Mitch?" I waited for a response.

"Scott? Hi! Yes it's Mitch. How are you mate?" He had what I assumed was an English accent. It was adorable.

"I'm good. Yourself?"

"Oh I'm grand. So, the topic."

"Yes."

"Please explain to me why you're uncomfortable being gay."

"My family. It's all about what others think of me."

"Why?"

"I guess I just obsess over self image and the way people think of you. I hate it, but it's part of me."

"Like being gay."

"Well, I can't help that I'm obsessed with self image."

"You can't help that you're gay either Scott. Otherwise you wouldn't be talking to me right now, would you?" I mentally slapped myself.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just so confused."

"Well, that's why I'm here. To help you."

"When did you first admit to yourself that you were gay?"

"I was starting to have confused feelings at about, 11. Around 13 or 14 I started noticing boys in a different way. I first admitted it to myself when I was almost 15. I came out at 15."

"So your family knows?"

"Yes. Everyone knows."

"They're all okay with you?"

"No. My family doesn't accept me. But that's not my problem, it's theirs. I am who I am. I can't change that. Even if I could, I wouldn't."

"Why not? You enjoy being gay?"

"Not like, if I wasn't gay I'd hate myself, but I enjoy who I am I guess. I'm proud I who I am."

"I wish I was like that."

"You can be Scott. It's up to you whether you accept yourself or not. There is nothing wrong with you are. Be you. I'm gonna leave you with that mate. I have to go. I have college soon. Good night Scott."

"Thank you. Good night Mitch. Have fun at college." He chuckled at me and hung up.

I think he'll really help me accept who I am.