red [complete]

1.5

The service for Regulus was nice. Short, but Remus supposes that it represents the fact that his life was too short. Remus' heart leaps from his chest as he watches Sirius fight for his composure while delivering the eulogy. Sirius doesn't cry until the end, and Remus has to avert his gaze.

"That was a nice eulogy," Remus says as everyone gathers in the church basement for a meal.

Sirius offers him a soft smile. "Thank you for coming."

"Of course, I'm glad I could be here."

Sirius nods.

"Regulus was my favorite. He fought tooth and nail and never complained."

Remus can tell that Sirius mentally checked out of their conversation; instead he is staring in the direction of his parents. Remus sees they are in a pretty heated argument.

"Hey," he nudges Sirius, "wanna get out of here?"

When Sirius hears Remus suggest this, he immediately gives his attention back to Remus. "Oh God, yes. I never understood this part of funerals."

"The meal?"

"When people pretend like they still care."

...

"I want a burger." Sirius announces while they sit in Remus' car in the church parking lot- they are deciding what to do now.

"I doubt your stomach could handle one."

"Well what can I eat?"

Remus thinks for a minute, "yogurt, fruit or veggies, maybe a small baked fish fillet."

"I was gonna ask you to take me back to my place, but I have none of that."

Remus starts the ignition, "grocery store?"

...

The first thing Sirius does when they get to his apartment is fall asleep. He walks in the front door and falls on the couch and before he realizes it, he's sleeping. He still has his shoes and suit on, but he is exhausted and knowing that he isn't alone makes it easy to drift to sleep. Sirius vaguely remembers being roused when Remus helped him into sweats, but he could have just as easily been dreaming.

Remus wakes him hours later at dinner time.  Sitting on the island bar is a small bowl of vanilla yogurt with sliced peaches and half of a baked tilapia fillet. It also smells like Remus is baking banana bread, which Sirius loves.

"Thank you," he says as he slices into a peach and lifts the spoonful of yogurt to his mouth.

"You're welcome, anytime."

Sirius smiles and tries a bite of fish. He can't recall something so bland ever tasting so good.

He eats half of what Remus has made him before he is too full to continue.

Remus reluctantly agrees to stay for a few episodes of The Office. He can't leave Sirius alone like this.

Even though right now Sirius is sliding closer to him on the couch and Remus needs to stay vigilant to not let his feelings take control of the situation.

"Remus?" Sirius asks after making his way into the crook of Remus' arm.

"Hmm?"

There is a long pause, "why don't you love me?"

Remus sighs before placing a gentle kiss to Sirius' temple. "That is not what is happening here. I don't not love you. I love you to much to let anything happen now."

"Why didn't you ever tell me."

"There was never a good time. I just got out of a relationship a few months ago.."

"Then how could you already love me?"

Remus sighs and almost lets himself cave and pull Sirius closer to him, "I think it's the same way you fell in love with me. Long nights, good conversation, and you being the only person I looked forward to seeing each week. You got me through the worst part of my life, Sirius. My love for you is infinite."

"That's why you're taking care of me? You love me?"

"I have love for you."

Sirius nods. That's not exactly what he wants to hear. He'd much rather Remus be in love with him, but Remus isn't. "I think you can go now."

Remus doesn't stir from the couch.

"Really Remus," Sirius lifts himself off of Remus and stands, "you should go."

"Are you going to take care of yourself?"

Sirius nods.

Remus stands and gives Sirius a long hug. "Stay well, okay."

Sirius won't meet his eyes, "yeah."

And with that, Remus is putting on his shoes and he's out the door and out of Sirius' life.

not the end...