red [complete]

3.4

When Sirius wakes up the next morning, the bed is empty; his heart drops when he thinks Remus left him without saying goodbye. Even though Remus definitely inquired into Sirius' stay because he wanted to hang out. Right?

Sirius sees that the curtain that covers the balcony is rustling in the wind, so he rolls out of bed, pulls on a pair of boxers- he thinks they're Remus', and steps on to the balcony. He is surprised to see Remus with an unlit cigarette between his lips. "You know, just because you like the way doctors can put people back together, doesn't mean you need to give yourself cancer so they can do it to you."

Remus startles at the voice behind him. "I don't smoke." He says without looking back at Sirius. "I just wanted to seem edgy."

Sirius snorts and walks around to face Remus' front, he's aware now of the chill of the morning and he's immediately regretting not grabbing a blanket like Remus did.

As he smiles around the cigarette, Remus lifts his arms and invites the scantily clad, but entirely adorable looking Sirius into his arms. "Good morning," he smiles at Sirius who is returning his appreciative gaze.

Sirius plucks the cigarette from his lips and flicks it over the balcony- environmental consciousness be dammed. "Is everything alright?"

Remus sighs and buries his head into Sirius' chest. "I'm happy for Lily."

"That's good?"

"But I'm not happy."

Sirius' hand finds Remus' hair. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Do you ever feel like you're jut going through the motions with out really any purpose?"

"Yeah." Sirius sighed, "yeah I have."

"Lily did it- she got married, she has a job she loves, she knows what she wants out of life." Remus sighs and sits back up in his chair. "I have no direction, Sirius."

"You don't love your job?"

Remus pouts and shakes his head. "I feel like I've settled. Maybe I should have been the surgeon, not just the guy handing them instruments."

"You still can."

Remus just sighs and looks over Sirius' shoulder to the busying street below them.

"Baby," Sirius takes Remus' face in his hands to make Remus focus on him, "I think you can do anything you put your mind to."

Remus sighs again and pouts, "But I really can't seem to hang on to you."

This makes Sirius chuckle, "hang on to me?"

"It's silly."

"Tell me."

Remus holds Sirius' gaze for  a minute before he's ducking his head in embarrassment. "I just- ever since we met I kind of felt like we maybe should have been more than we were. Then we are even now. But we never seem to be ready for the same thing at the same time."

"Well," Sirius is going for a reassuring tone, but it seems a little more patronizing than he realizes "we're bound to see each other more now- our best friends are married now."

This only makes Remus pout more, "I want what they have, I want my life to be more than it is, I want to do more, I want to make a bigger difference."

Sirius offers him a small smile, "you can-"

Remus sighs to cut him off, "maybe, whatever. I'm sorry for dumping that on you. We have to get going to the gift party."

Now Sirius frowns. He thought that he was having a moment with Remus- apparently not. Maybe Remus is this cold with everyone. "Yeah, okay." He stands to let Remus up and then follows him back into their hotel room.

---

Sirius spends the entire unboxing party trying to get Remus to look at him. Remus doesn't; his gaze is carefully trained on the presents being opened and recording the list of who gave what to the bride and groom so Lily can send personalized thank you cards later. She really has it all planned out.

Sirius is able to snag Remus by the arm as he's filtering out of the ballroom, and he pulls him into a quieter side hallway. 

"Sirius, I don't have time for this, I feel shitty enough as is."

"You want to make more of a difference, Remus you made the entire difference for me. For three years you were the only person that helped me keep it together, you helped me make it through the worst day of my life, you made me realize that I shouldn't dread spending every moment with the guy I was supposed to be in love with. You made all the difference for me. You want to hang on to me, then do it, or at least make the best of the rest of this weekend. Take it into your own hands and make your life what you want."

When Sirius finishes his onslaught of a speech, Remus has tears running down his face and then Sirius is pulling him into a supply closet that definitely should have been locked.

Sirius uses with nimble fingers to work Remus' belt open and then slide his jeans and briefs down his thighs. As soon as he kneels before Remus, Remus' eyes flutter shut and his hand finds Sirius' hair. 

---

It took no more convincing than an above average blowjob to get Remus to agree to a little day on the town. First, they get coffee; then they go to Target because it is hands down the most romantic place in town; after that is lunch and they get sandwiches to go from the Scranton Deli and eat them in the park; after lunch is the outdoor sculpture park (a two mile trail with large sculptures made by local artists); then the meander through the downtown strip- bookstore, record store, more coffee, some jewelry and boutiques, and the antique shop; after this it's dinner time and Remus covers the bill at his favorite Italian restaurant- Mojo's.

Their day ends with two climatic rounds of sex. The first is frantic and quick and leaves Sirius dazed. The second is much more relaxed and thoughtful and after they're done, they are both boneless and ready for one last night sleeping next to each other.

Sirius tries not to think about this as he presses his back flush to Remus' chest and walks his hands over Remus' arms that are stretched over his chest. But it is entirely undeniable. 

Tomorrow Sirius walks out of Remus' life again.