Never Been Yours -COMPLETED (UNEDITED)

Kabanata 13

Kabanata 13

Amnesia

Hindi ako mapakali habang nakaupo rito sa private office ni Daddy sa bahay. Maraming bumabagabag sa isipan ko. We waited for Ate Sammy, but she called last minute that she can't be home dahil may emergency itong ne-rescue sa kabilang Isla.

I sighed for a ninth times, trying so hard to calm down, dahil feeling ko, may hindi magandang mangyayari.

My father cleared his throat. Tumingin ako ng diritso sa kanya.

"W-Who am I?" agad kong tanong.

"Swain—"

I cutted my mother's words off.

"Who am I, Dad?" ulit ko.

Naiiyak ako dahil sa mga hindi ko maipaliwanag na mga imaheng nakikita ko simula nang bumalik ako ng Pilipinas.

My father blew a loud breath. Nag-iwas lang nang tingin si Mommy na mas lalong ikinabagabag ko. Gusto kong sagutin nila ako!

"Bakit marami akong nakikitang alaala na kailan man ay hindi ko natatandaang ginawa ko?" ulit ko. My eyelids dropped hinahayaan ang sariling mamuo ang luha.

"I haven't been in a firing range before, but the first time Ate Sammy brought me there, I saw an image of a girl holding a gun, aiming for her target, but I didn't know who it was... not until yesterday."

I crooked. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sariling huwag umiyak dahil sobra na akong nalilito. Nagpapalitan nang tingin ang mga magulang ko. Dad looks so bothersome, and so does Mommy.

"D-Dad..." I called him. Bumuntong hininga na naman ito bago timungin sa akin nang may awa sa mga mata. The way my father looked at me slowly ripped my heart. What does it mean?

"I'm sorry," sa mahina nitong tinig, kabaliktaran sa matikas nitong itsura.

My father's soft voice is hurting me; lalo na ang matamang titig nito sa akin.

"Please... tell me..." I took a look at my mother, who remains silent beside my father's.

"M-Mom," I called again, gusto ko ng paliwanag.

My mom opens her mouth to speak, but chooses to close it back when no words come out. Mas lalo akong nainis sa reaksyon ni Mommy. Parang ang laki nang tinatago nila sa akin, na hindi nila kayang sabihin.

"You have amnesia, Swain."

Parang literal na tumigil yata ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa narinig mula kay Daddy. Tears filled my eyes as it sank into my mind, but sinubukan ko pa ring tatagan ang sarili ko.

"Is it true?" I glanced at my mom at Tumango Ito.

My heart aches. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang halo-halong nararamdaman ko ngayon. I missed my real self. I'm dealing with someone else every day.

"H-How come?" Mahina kong tanong, hindi pa rin makapaniwala. "At gaano na katagal?" I added.

My eyes flooded with tears again, dahil sa matamang titig ni Mommy sa akin. I want an explanation for all of this. Gusto kong makilala kung sino at ano talaga ako. Bakit parang bigla-biglang, hindi ko kilala ang sarili ko. Para akong bumalik sa pagkabata na walang alam sa sarili.

It took a long moment again before they talked.

"Since you are studying in your... college days," my mom's shaking voice made me tremble. Pahina iyon nang pahina. I was fighting back my tears—the thing that I couldn't do right at this moment.

Sobrang bigat nang pakiramdam ko. Hindi ako handang tanggapin ang kung ano man ang malalaman ko pa. But I deserve to know the whole truth about myself.

"Please tell me everything." I pleaded again.

"You were a PMA-ier back then, not a racer. It's not your hobby, but spending your time at the firing range and doing hard training is. It's your dream to become a soldier someday, Hija." Huminga ng malalim si Daddy at tinitigan ako.

"The training ground where you were was bombed by the terrorists near that area," sunod na saad ni Daddy na dahilan nang pananahimik ko.

"We were so afraid to lose you, Anak, kaya nagpasya kaming dalhin ka sa Canada at doon ipagamot. You were in a coma for almost one year, and it really scares us." Sa mahinang boses ni Daddy.

My mom starts to cry in my father's side, gusto ko itong aluin, pero gusto kong ipagpatuloy ni Daddy ang sinasabi niya.

"You woke up, but you have amnesia. But the doctor assured us that your memories will come back in time; we just need to be patient and not force you to remember them. And it seems like, malapit nang bumalik ang alaala mo... and we're happy for that."

Para akong nagpapakilala sa sarili ko sa nalaman. Nangangapa ako sa iba't-ibang klaseng nararamdaman ko.

"Kaya ayaw namin na pumunta ka sa firing range dahil ayaw naming mapilitan ang utak mong alalahanin ang mga bagay na nakalimutan mo. Please, Anak, have patience." Tears streamed on my mother's eyes.

May amnesia lang ako, I'm sure, hindi magbabago noon ang mga gusto ko. But why my hearts didn't aches for a gun, instead, my heart loves cars and bigbikes?

"I only had amnesia, right? But why does it feel like I am not... the usual me?" tanong ko gamit ang mahinang boses. Parang sa sarili ko lang din iyon tinanong.

"My heart would always ache for the things that I love to do... but why I didn't? Why it changed?" ulit ko, nalilito.

"It's normal, Hija," si Mommy with her soothing voice.

I know I shouldn't question this, but there's a part of me saying that I must, too. Kailangan ko rin nang kasiguraduhan sa lahat. I want to know the whole truth! Kahit na kinakabahan at nag aalangan, nilakasan ko pa rin ang loob kong magtanong.

"Is Ruin... my boyfriend?"

Halatang nagulat si Mommy at Daddy sa tanong ko pero bahagya ring ngumiti sa akin. May dad looked away, pero mataman akong tiningnan ni Mommy.

"Of... course. He is your boyfriend, Anak," sa malumanay ulit na boses ni Mommy.

She assured me that, pero hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako napapanatag. I felt indifferent. Hindi ko maintidihan at hindi ko maipaliwanag ang mga tumatakbo sa utak ko. I want to clear everything in my mind, and it includes... Ruin.

Is he really part of my life before I had my amnesia?