I wasn't born without a heart

~*Not all vocies speak outloud*~

*Trigger Warnings*
-Suicidal thoughts
-mature language
-Self-harm
-intense grammar mistakes (I did not check for grammar mistakes before publishing)

*P.S- Sorry I didn't post last night, I fell asleep well writing the chapter. My sleep schedule has been messed up since bangbangcon but  I don't regret it 😂*

*Jin's POV*

                After Yoongi stormed out we didn't really know what to do...I mean I never expected to see Yoongi start to cry like that. I really have only seen him cry once or twice around debut and when we won an award! So this must mean something is seriously wrong...I'm disappointed that I didn't notice sooner. I'm the oldest and I'm supposed to look after my younger members.

              We decided to just go home because sitting in the backstage area of a fan meet venue won't exactly solve our problem or be comfy. In the car it was tense and no one dared to say a word. The only conversations that were heard were the ones between our managers in the front seats. I can tell Jimin felt a little guilty because he was fidgeting with his hands while staring down at his lap.

        When we got home I started to cook dinner and all the members sat at the table in silence. It was not the comfortable silence...It felt so awkward which was pretty painful to bear honestly.  When I finished cooking I served the food and we ate in silence. Jungkook tried to make conversation but it quickly failed leaving us again in this uncomfortable silence.

But suddenly we heard the door open...

*Yoongis*

I walk up to the dorm as quietly as I did not want to bring any sorts of attention to myself...So many thoughts raced through my head. What is they didn't listen? What if they really didn't care?

Of course they wouldn't care for such a useless being such as yourself....you really think trying to talk them will change anything? Your just as worthless as you'll always be....

But Lisa said that I should try because I should feel comfortable around my members....

You really think this Lisa girl is correct? Just wait until she abandons you just like the boys will....

....

What if he's correct? What if Lisa also doesn't care...WAIT NO! Lisa is my FRIEND! GOD DAMNIT! Get out of my head!

Oh I'm here to stay Yoongi...I'm gonna to be here every day until you realize the truth...that you are not worth anyone's time...space...or money...Deep down you know I'm saying the truth...so stop lying to yourself...and accept that you will never be enough....

...I-....I s-still need to t-try....

Oh please be my guest...try...I will deeply enjoy watching you fail....

I take deep breaths and approach the door, opening it very hesitantly. My anxiety levels increase at a worrying rate as I start to step into the dorm. I look around and find everyone eating at the dining table quietly...

"Y-Yoongi?" I hear Jin's voice as he looks straight into my eyes as if he can't believe I'm here.

"Hey" I mutter quickly and quietly as I also feel Namjoons eye searching my face as if trying to see what's going on inside my mind...if he only knew...

"Sit down Yoongi...I think we all need to have a discussion...." Namjoon finally says breaking the silence which was very uncomfortable.

I sit down hesitantly and suddenly find the table cloth very interesting. To be honest I don't wanna face then...I don't wanna face Jimin since that glare he gave me the day of the incident...I don't wanna face Jungkook when he looked at me through tears eyes...I didn't wanna face J-hope when he looked at me with a scared expression when I backed up against the wall...I didn't wanna face Jin and see his pitiful expression...I didn't wanna face Namjoon and his look of disappointment....I didn't wanna face anything right now...

"Yoongi....we know the past few days have been...rough...and we think we should move on from it..." Jin began the conversation.

"But do you all wanna move on from it?" I ask staring into Jin's eyes completely emotionless.

"Well..." jimin said which completely surprised me, I honestly thought he hated me by the look he gave me during the incident. "We may think your actions were hostile and wrong...but I know your hurting Yoongi...And I hate watching someone I care about suffer."

H-he cares? Does he really? Do the rest care as well? Could I actually find someone to comfort me during this mess?

Don't get your hopes up boy....he's probably only saying that so you believe that you can trust him...

"Soooo...would I you like to say anything? Like tell what is going on Yoongi...you have never acted like this before..." J-hope said concerned laced in his eyes.

"The voice..." I say hesitatingly not knowing if I should tell them or not...
"Gets pretty loud...."

"W-what voice?" Jungkook says unsurely. "Is someone saying stuff to you?".

I nod..."yes he is saying so much to me...And he gets s-so loud..."

"No offense...but I'm pretty sure we would notice if someone was saying stuff to you this 'loud'." Jin says eyes covered in a sleet of confusion.

"No you wouldn't notice..." I say which causes the members to turn their heads towards me in confusion. "Remember... not all voices speak out loud..."

(929 words)
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Authors note:

Sorry I've been so MIA. I promise that I will try to update more often!

And I'm excited to say that I completed the first 9 chapters for the new book and they are saved in my drafts. I don't know when I should publish them but I'm thinking about finishing this book first then releasing that book. Idk.

Anyways thanks for waiting for this chapter! Stay safe and healthy!

Purple chuuu all 💜