Comfort of Darkness - COMPLETED

Kabanata 22

He's weeping in front of me. Walang emosyon ko siyang pinagmasdan. This is the man I used to love so much. He once told me he loves me as much as I love him. But I doubt it.

If you really love someone, would it be hard for you to believe her? Kasi si Flavian, sa lahat ng sinabi ko noon, hindi siya naniwala. Or did he even try to hear me? 

If you really love someone, would it be hard for you to trust her? Kasi noon kay Flavian, kahit nagmakaawa ako, hindi siya nagtiwala.

"What are you talking about?" Hindi ko pinansin ang patuloy na pag-iyak niya.

I can vividly remember how I felt when he turned his back on me like how everyone else did. I remembered how I felt sick and worthless everytime I recall the words he threw at me.

My heart still hurts when I remember how weak and helpless I was during those times. Ang mga taong iyon. Hindi lang nila ako tinalikuran. Sinagasaan pa at tinapaktapakan.

I can handle them, that's what I told myself before. Hindi naman nila ako kilala kaya nakakapagsalita sila ng masama. I will take care of the issue and my name will be cleared eventually. Kaya ko tiisin ang binabato sa akin ng taong masa. Pero noong si Flavian na ang nanghusga? Nawasak ako.

I bared my soul to him first. He told me he knew me more than anyone. So why was it hard for him to listen to me then?

"I'm sorry, Lia. I'm sorry." He started lowering his face. When he tried to reach me again, I just lost it.

Agad ko siyang sinampal. Sunud-sunod. Hindi ko na alam kung saan saan tumatama ang mga kamay ko. Basta gusto ko siyang masaktan! I want to see him bleed!

I want to inflict him as much pain he caused me! I want to get even!

"Damn you! Damn you Flavian! Your apology won't make me feel better! It won't do anything! Hindi niyan mabubura ang pagkamuhi ko sa'yo! I loathe you! Hinding hindi kita mapapatawad!"

"Please Lia. Listen to me, please"

"You did not listen to me before! So who are you to demand that from me?!"

"I know! And I'm sorry!"

Mas lalong lumakas ang pag-iyak niya. His shoulders started to shook. Sinasalo niya ang bawat hampas ko. Hindi siya umiiwas kahit kaunti. Kulang pa 'yan! Kulang pa!

Kulang na kulang!

"I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry."

"Don't call me that!"

"Sabihin mo sakin kung anong pwede kong gawin! Please Lia! Mahal na mahal kita! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Wala! Just get the hell out of here! Ayaw kita rito! Umalis ka! Alis!"

He just stubbornly shook his head.

Kahit napaluhod na siya at namumula na ang mukha, I never stopped hitting him, kahit wala na halos lakas ang mga kamay ko.

He deserves this. He deserves every beating, every pain.

"Wala kang magagawa! Hindi mo na mababalik ang nangyari!" I bit my lip when my voice shook. I balled my fist and hit him harder!

"Lia, calm down. Love, please love. Please, calm down. There's got to be something. Anong pwede kong gawin para mapatawad mo?"

"I said don't fucking call me that!"

Hearing his endearment for me almost made my ears bleed. Ayaw ko na iyan marinig. Ayaw ko na siya makita. Kaya bakit ba nandito pa siya? Huli na ang lahat. Wala na siyang magagawa.