Comfort of Darkness - COMPLETED

Kabanata 28

"Look at what you did!" Hindi ko iniwas ang mukha ko sa sampal niya. It stung. But I deserve it.

"You! You almost got your father killed! This is all your fault Lia!" Despite her shaky voice, her face looks murderous. Sunud-sunod ang hampas na tinanggap ko mula kay mommy.

Napahikbi ako.

"I-I'm sorry—"

"Damn you! Napahamak ang daddy mo dahil sa'yo! Because of your stupid decisions! From your stupid career and your stupid controversy! Everything about you is so stupid!"

I bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering.

"M-Mommy n-naman..."

Huminga ako ng malalim.

"Hindi ko naman g-gustong masaktan si Dad."

I can barely see her because of my tears but I can still feel her sharp and heated stares. Napansin ko rin ang marahas na pag-iling niya.

"You dirty brat! I know you have your stupid dream! Pero kailangan ba talaga magpaka-puta ka ha Lia?"

She looked at me with disappointment. Marahas akong napabuga ng hangin. I fucking hate that look. Kahit na all these years, iyon lang ang natatanggap ko sa kanya.

"I told you many times already! That wasn't me!"

"Oh you can't fool me! I know you Lia! Kaya mong gawin ang lahat because you're ambitious! An attention seeker and...and a whiny brat!"

I stared at her with disbelief.

How would she know me? Hindi naman siya ang nagpalaki sa akin. Para lang akong hangin sa paningin niya noon. It was my loving father who raised me.

"I hate you for being so stubborn!" Singhal niya sa harap ng mukha ko.

"I hate you too!" Pumiyok ang boses ko at tuluyan nang napahagulhol. Isang malakas na sampal ang muli kong natanggap. It's much more heavier. Pero saglit lang ang kirot na dumaan sa pisngi ko.

The sting on my heart, on the other hand is continuous, it lingered. My throat feels like burning too. Hindi ko na napigilang sumagot.

"I hate you for being so heartless!"

Mas lalong nanlisik ang mga mata niya sa akin.

"How dare you!"

"Mommy hindi mo ako naiintindihan! And that's because you never tried to! The stupid decisions you said I made? Alam mo ba kung para kanino iyon?"

I stared at her. "It was for you, mommy."

"I never asked you to do things! And now you're blaming me?!" She gritted her teeth.

Sa gitna ng pag-iyak ay marahan akong napatawa. "N-No, of course not. I'm just...saying. Can you at least listen to what I want to say? Ang bigat bigat na kasi mommy. Matagal ko na 'tong kinikimkim. Am I that unlovable? Ni minsan kasi 'di ko naramdaman na minahal mo ako. Mom, I am your child."

Mas lalong nanlisik ang mga mata niya. "You ungrateful brat! I gave you everything! Nagrereklamo ka pa?! How could you?!"

Mabilis kong pinalis ang mga luha kong patuloy sa pagtulo.

"No, you didn't." Marahan akong umiling habang nanlulumong nakatingin sa kanya.

"The material things you provided are not what I really needed mommy. It's you...I just need you. I needed a mother." I whispered.

I gasped when I saw how stunned she is. Unti-unting humigpit ang pagkakakuyom ko ng aking mga palad.

"Maybe you're right. I guess I really am an attention seeker. But m-mom, yours is all I ever needed."