For the Better

Chapter 9

A couple of days passed after I took the test, and my head was swimming. Between all the paperwork the office had me tied up doing every night and Jo's new work hours, we hadn't really gotten a chance to sit down and seriously discuss things. The more time passed, the more frantic I became. It was a Sunday afternoon. I was off, and Jo wouldn't be home until midnight. My doctor's appointment was only a week away, and I felt I needed some guidance, so I decided to pay my grandma an overdue visit.
I climbed the cobblestone steps to my grandma's door and rang the bell.
She opened the door, and her jaw dropped. "Oh, baby, how are you?" She beamed, flinging her arms around me. "I'm good, grandma. I've missed you." I grinned as I squeezed her. She always smelled the same. I can't describe it, but it reminded me so much of going to church with her when I was younger. The sound of the choir, the smell of the fresh bread after the service, the desire to run outside to the playground and play with my church friends all came to me so clearly just from her scent. She ushered me in, and I took a seat on the cozy sofa that 's been placed front and center in her living room for years. We sat in her living room and talked about literally everything over tea like old times.  I told her about Jo, new developments at work, and my new workout regime. The look of happiness on her face as she simply listened to me talk about my life brought on a good feeling. It made me feel like I was doing something right.
"That's good to hear, baby. I'm glad everything is going well. How's Jo been?"
"He's been okay." My stomach tightened.
"What's been going on, otherwise? Is everything okay?"
I hesitated.
"Grandma, I'm pregnant."
A look of confusion passed over her face briefly before she clapped her hands to her mouth to cover a wide grin.
"Oh, my goodness, baby," she exclaimed as she clutched my hands in her.
"Congratulations." She beamed.
I hugged her, overcome with emotion.
"I just wanna be a good mom." I sobbed, trying to smile through the tears.
"Listen here. You will be a phenomenal mother. Wanna know how I know? Because you're already a phenomenal woman. Look at what you've accomplished." She hugged me tight as she spoke. "The best granddaughter I could ask for, that's what you are. Don't you forget that now."
I laughed. "I'm your only granddaughter, grandma."
"And I said what I said."
I giggled at her as I wiped my face. My granny always knew what to say.
"I can be here for you too."
I left my grandmother's embrace to turn around and see my mother standing before me, front and center in the passageway.
She took a nervous step closer.
"If you let me, Anita, I'll be here for you."
She walked up and hugged me tight.
"Please, baby. Forgive me." I could hear her trying to hold in her sobs. I bit my lip in an effort not to cry, but it wasn't working.
"Okay." I finally surrendered, trying to collect myself, but I couldn't. It was too much. We broke down in each other's arms while my grandmother sat quietly a few feet away. "The Lord is great." She praised.
Grandma cooked her signature pot pie that night to celebrate. She gave me child rearing tips as she stood over the stove. She talked about how excited she was to babysit, and making room for the baby to visit and stay any time Jo and I needed. As she spoke, I felt a warm comfort in my heart, knowing I wasn't alone.
"I have been waiting for an excuse to decorate that old dungeon upstairs, and now I have one." She beamed. My mom chuckled at grandma's comment. "A little dust and spiders don't make it a dungeon. My room used to be clean as ever."
I laughed so hard the whole night with those two. My mom and I did the dishes alongside each other while my grandma dozed off on the sofa. Her soft snoozing traveled to my ears. "If you catch her in the act, she'll swear she's just resting her eyes." My mom nudged me and gestured over to grandma. I giggled, scrubbing the cups and plates diligently.
"What do you have planned?"
"Well, I'm looking for a job. The clinic offers a program for graduates that offers assistance with job hunting." She went on.
"That's really good." I gave her a smile. I was genuinely glad to see her like this. She was alive, clean, and planning for the future. I used to think hell would freeze over before you could make that statement about her.
"Thought of any baby names?"
Mention of my father wiped the smile off my face. How I could have so much hate and anger for someone I barely remember baffled me. I said nothing as I continued to scrub the dishes. My mom must've gotten the hint, because she mentioned nothing more of him. When the sink was empty, I turned off the water and grabbed a nearby dishcloth to start drying.
"Anita, we have a dark past, no lie there, but the future holds no boundaries. That struggle was real, and you made it out. And I cannot tell you how proud of you I am." I could hear the tears coming through the shakiness of her voice, but she composed herself. I'm glad she did, because I was already fighting back tears. I looked down at the dishes, not wanting to cry. "Thank you, mama." I said softly. I heard her giggle, and soon I felt her arms wrapped around me. "I love you always, baby girl." After making me promise to call everyday and visit more, I said goodbye to my mom and grandma and headed home. A content feeling sat in my heart, and I didn't feel nervous anymore.