For the Better

Chapter 5

With all that was going on, I was stressed, and Derek was too. So, we set up a date one evening at a nice spot we'd visited before in the heart of the city. I daunted his favorite color for the evening, a mid-length blue dress with lace up heels to match. He was so fine in his suit. There was something about a nice suit on a man that intrigued me. He sat across from me, staring me down.
"Remember when we first met?" He asked.
I grinned. "Of course. How could I forget when you were wearing that jacket?"
"That was my lucky jacket for a reason."
"It was hideous, though." I said.
He chuckled. "Hey,  I said it was lucky. I didn't say it was a nice jacket."
"I've been thinking, and I think I'm ready to make the move."
I paused for a moment, trying to figure out what he was referring to. Then, I remembered the talk we had a few weeks prior about his moving into my apartment. Well, it wasn't exactly a conversation. It was really him expressing the desire to move in together. I hadn't taken him serious at the time, though. I studied him, trying to figure out if he was really serious. I was open to it, but certainly not only after just four months of dating. Since I met him, Derek was the pushy type. He was always assertive over everything.
I took a sip of wine.
"Derek..."
"I know that I might have seemed hesitant about it before, but I'm not anymore." He sat forward, eagerly awaiting a response from me. I searched for something to say.
"With all that's going on, I just don't think that now is the right time. Plus, it's so soon, you know?" I chose my words carefully.
He sighed. "You mean because of him."
Here we go. "I'm just trying to give him just a little time to get his affairs in order."
"Anita, that's not your damn responsibility." He huffed. I could tell he was getting annoyed.
"It's not just him. We've only been dating for three months, Derek. Don't you think that's rushing it a little?"
He took another sip of wine and sat back, ignoring my question. "Are you still in love with him?"
"No. What him and I had is in the past, okay? It's done." I touched his hand. He pulled away. "Then why are you helping him?" I was getting irritated. I didn't waste my damn time and makeup to be interrogated the whole date.
"Because even though he's my ex, he's still someone I grew up with and care for. I can see that he just needs a little help and I'm willing to help him to an extent. Nothing more. What would you do?"
He searched for words, but ultimately said nothing and slumped back in his chair in defeat. I had nothing more to say on the subject as well. I never would have cheated on Derek with Jo or anyone else for that matter, and I damn sure never thought he'd accuse me of cheating on him. Our waitress appeared out of nowhere, breaking our awkward silence. "How's the lovely couple doing? Up for dessert?"
I looked at Derek. He never said no to their key lime pie, but to my surprise, he shook his head. "You can bring the check." He said without looking up at her. The waitress must have recognized him as a regular, because she was puzzled for a moment too. She then quickly hurried off to fetch the check.
I turned the key in the lock and proceeded into my abode. My romantic evening was a bust, a disaster, an absolute failure. Jo was out somewhere getting into God knows what. I hung my coat in the closet and plopped down on the couch. Derek knew how I felt about him. Maybe, it just wasn't enough. My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by my ringing cell. It was an unfamiliar number. I tossed it to the side, assuming it was a scammer. It kept ringing, and I got irritated soon after. I eventually picked up, ready to let whoever was on the other end have it.
"Hello?" I answered, agitated
"Anita? Is that you?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. It was my mother.
"Why are you calling me?"
"I just hadn't heard from you in a while, that's all. How are things, honey?"
"Don't ever call this number again."
"Anita, I'm sorry-"
I hung up before she could finish. How the hell did she even get my number?
Besides her scene at my prom, the memories I had of my mother were far from fond. They included her lighting up in front of me at seven years old, and attempting to feed me dog food for dinner at nine, high off her ass. My dad kept her so high most of the time that she had no idea what she was doing. It was still no excuse. What kind of mother does those things? My father didn't exactly deserve the parent of the year award. Let my grandma tell it, he introduced my mother to crack when I was just three years old. He kept her high every minute of the day, and when they needed more, he would sell the clothes on his back and hers if it meant he got what he needed. He barely spoke to me, and when he did, it made me uneasy. I never knew what to make of his tone when he spoke to me, but it certainly wasn't the tone of a father speaking to his daughter.
Another ring of the phone shocked my nerves. I was rattled after hearing my mother's voice after all these years. I needed a moment to myself. The phone rang again. It was Derek. I answered.
"Why aren't you answering me?"
"I wasn't close to my phone." I lied. I did not want him to know anything about my mother.
"What were you doing?"
"Derek, what is it?"
"I wanna know why you can let that dude stay there but you won't even consider us living together."
"I have considered it. I didn't say we couldn't. I just think it's too soon." I pressed the tip of my fingers to my temples. I could feel a terrible headache coming.
"I'm so sick of this."
"Derek-"
"You don't tell me anything! You shut me out like a child! I don't deserve your selfish ways. I could have any bitch I want. Don't you know that by now?"
A chilling silence hung in the air for almost a full minute before another word was spoken.
"Don't call me anymore."
"Anita-"
I hung up and tossed the phone onto my dresser after putting it on silent. I needed to get some sleep. There was no way I could sleep peacefully after that. I started to wonder if I was blind. How the fuck can I not see these men for what they are, I thought to myself. Remembering my mother's voice through that receiver didn't help ease my mind either.