Ocean Breeze

19- Keegan

The days came and went and I felt numb. I had fallen madly in love and now she was dying. What was I just some fling. She played me. She let me give her everything but she didn't trust me with something so important.

As mad as I was I still missed Ryan. I missed her every single day. I wanted to see her but she hadn't reached out again and I just didn't know how. She hurt me but I needed her.

"Keegy, hun do you want to go on a little trip this weekend. Mom and dad are going to rent a condo through the country club and spend the weekend away. They asked if we wanted to join."

"I'm not really in the mood John." I replied.

"Well I told them we would join them. You've seemed down since your outburst so I figured this would get you back in track."

"You told them I would go without even asking me first? I don't wnat to go spend the weekend with your parents John."

"You'll be spending the weekend with me hun."

"I don't really care to do that either." I said flatly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean Keegy?"

"It means I don't want to go to the country club or a condo or fucking anywhere with you for that matter!" I screamed back.

"Keegy..."

"Don't call me that. I hate it when you call me that and you know it."

"Since when? Why are you overreacting? I thought you would enjoy a weekend away relaxing with your husband."

I sighed heavily. I didn't want to have this fight. I took another deep breath trying to calm myself. Ryan's face came into my mind. Her smile, her voice, the way she looked at me like I was the only person in the world. I felt a peace come over me. I loved her. I loved how just the mere thought of her could bring me peace. I knew in my heart what Ryan and I had was real. I didn't understand why she hadn't told me she was sick but I knew there had to be a reason. She wasn't this mister I was trying to make her out to be.

I felt the smile come to my face. "What are you smiling at Keegy!" John yelled.

"I'm done John." I got up off the bed grabbing my keys and purse. I pulled my duffle bag out from under the bed and shoved some clothes and things in.

"Finally come to your senses I see. I'll let mother know."

I didn't stop rummaging through my things and throwing them into the bag as I spoke. "No John. I'm done with this. I'm done with us. I don't know why it took me so long to see that I don't love you. We're not the same people we were when we met and I thought that was what real, true love felt like but I was wrong. I know what it feels like now. It's realizing that you could lose someone at any second and still wanting to give them all of you. No matter how bad it's going to hurt when she's gone, she's worth it. Everything about her is worth it and I'm not about to let her go."

John was taken aback. He was stunned but how could he not be. I just told him I was leaving him for a woman and that our love wasn't real. I didn't want to hurt him but I knew he would recover. He would meet a nice girl at the country club and settle down with several kids. I never wanted that. All I wanted was Ryan. Whether that meant for two years or two days I couldn't let another second go by without her.

I ran down stairs to my car and sped across town. John had tried to follow me out of the house but stopped once I had walked out. I pulled up at Ryan's house and saw that her jeep wasn't in the driveway but it could've been in the garage. I pounded on the door. "Ryan! Please open the door!" I pounded again.

"Ms. Austin?" I heard Ashley's voice calling from across the street. "Ms. Austin, Ryan is gone."

I felt my breath catch and my throat close. She saw the panicked expression on my face.

"I mean she's not home. She took off the other day after she came to see you at school. She said she had just wanted to see you one more time. She came by to see me and told me about everything and then we said our goodbyes. I don't know where she went but I don't think she'll ever come back," Ashley cried.

I took her in my arms until she gathered herself. "Sorry she's just my best friend and I hate to know that was it you know. The doctor told her she had maybe three months if that. She said she didn't want anyone to have to watch her die.." Ashley trailed off.

"She was crazy about you though. She told me she had fallen madly in love with you." She laughed. "Love wasn't Ryan's style but you changed something in her. Oh she gave me a canvas to give you. She said it was her last assignment in your class. She told me to tell you that it was the only thing in life to bring her true joy. I didn't open it, I figured it was more of a gift to you rather than a grade."

I thanked Ashley and hugged her again. She gave me the large canvas wrapped in white paper. I sat it in my passengers seat and drove down the road. I pulled off in a secluded area at the edge of a field. I leaned over and and tore the paper off the canvas.

Tears formed in my eyes again at what I saw. I was laying in the bed at the villa sleeping. A sheet draped over my body and the ocean was in the background. The doors were open and I could almost smell the ocean air. The painting was phenomenal. It looked like it had been done by a professional. The colors were subtle and so life like.  I turned the canvas over seeing a short note.

"You were my heaven on earth. With all my love, Ryan".

I pulled back out on the highway and headed south. If Ryan was gone then I knew where she would be.