In the End {1}

ix: Catharsis

Ahsoka couldn't help but feel badly in that moment for the way things had ended with Lux. She thought about him almost every day, wondering what things would've been like if they stayed together. Would it have been as painful as she thought, or did she make the wrong choice?

She remembered the first kiss they shared, when she followed her heart instead of her head. Their first time being intimate had meant the galaxy to her, and she would've given up her life as a Jedi to be with him. Now, things were different, and she didn't know if she would ever be that happy again. The Jedi had taken her life and her happiness from her, and she would never forget it.

She walked over and stood next to him, looking out at the skyline. "Hey," she said.

He turned his head to look at her. "What can I do for you?"

She crossed her arms and turned to face him. "I just wanted to see how you're doing." He was silent. He had definitely heard her, and it wasn't like him to ignore her like that. "So how are you doing?" He looked back out at the skyline. "Lux, please just say something."

"You want me to say something, Ahsoka?" He turned his whole body to facer her. "Fine, I'll say something. What you did really sucked. I was crushed. I gave you everything I had, and you threw it all away. And I understand that you were hurting because of everything else that was going on in your life, but you dropped me without a second thought. You said you loved me, but now I know it was all a lie. Now you're wondering how I'm doing? Are you serious? I'm doing terrible. I work all day, and I can't sleep at night. I'm tired, stressed, and hurting. But whatever, I'll sort it out myself. I hope you're happy now, doing whatever it is you're doing these days."

She took a step back. His words stung. Although she knew his anger was talking more than he was, she could see how he could think that. "No, Lux, it wasn't a lie. You were everything to me. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but surely you understand why we can't be anything more than what we are now."

"And what is that, huh? What are we now? Strangers? And no, I don't understand how you can leave me, claiming I'm a reminder of your painful past, yet here you are, living in Senator Amidala's apartment."

"Lux," she whispered, on the brink of tears, "It's not–"

"No, it's exactly what it looks like. If you wanted to break up with me, fine. But do it on your own account instead of making up some lame excuse."

"I'm doing the best I can, okay?" she snapped, raising her voice. "I lost everything because of what the Jedi Council did to me. You think I want to be reminded that every day? I can't look at you without feeling guilty. My honesty and integrity was questioned by the entire Republic, and I had to make a case for my innocence knowing I was going against one of the core values of the Jedi to be with you! Don't you see how much of a hypocrite that makes me? I'm only here because Anakin is helping me track down the Jedi that is responsible for getting me thrown out in the first place!"

He shook his head. "Whatever, Ahsoka. I thought what we had was love, but I guess I was wrong. And it kriffing hurts. Do you even regret what you did?"

Did she? If she hadn't been expelled from the Order, she and Lux would probably still be together. When they started dating, Ahsoka had been the happiest that she could remember. She missed him terribly, but the decision to walk away was for the best. She had to believe that, even if a part of her still loved him. "I regret the way it made you feel."

"Well how did you think I was going to feel?" he practically yelled. "Remember that night Onderon joined the Republic and you came back to my apartment? Remember what we did then? We put everything else aside and were just two people in love. Goodbye, Ahsoka."

He turned around and stormed off.

"Lux, I'm sorry!" she called after him, her voice shaking.

He stopped a moment. "Sorry can't fix everything."

As he walked inside, Ahsoka let her tears fall. She let everything out: her frustration with the Jedi Council, her fear of being alone, her heartbrokenness... 

She wanted to scream. She wanted to run. She wanted to do anything other than feel the way she was feeling.

She sat down on the couch, buried her head in her hands, and cried until there wasn't a tear left in her body.

Taking a deep breath, she stood up. It was time to move on. Dwelling on the wrongs of the past wasn't going to get her anywhere in the future. She walked inside and noticed Padme comforting Lux on the balcony. Even with the window closed, she could tell that Lux was crying. She truly felt badly for breaking his heart, but what was she supposed to do? Now, he hated her. Or at least it appeared that way. 

Ahsoka sighed and walked into the bedroom. Anakin sat on the end of the bed, flipping through a holopad.

"Master," she said, making her presence known.

"Oh, Ahsoka, there you are. You ready?" He turned around, and his smile quickly faded when he saw her puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. We should get going."

He stood up and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You're going to get through this, Ahsoka. It's all going to be okay. I promise. Now come on, let's go before the temptation for me to order take out becomes too great to resist."

She smiled. Anakin's bad jokes always had a way of cheering her up. "You got it, Skyguy."

A/N: Hello friends! Sorry for the feels in this one, but I promise there's a reason for this little argument. Because I'm so nice (lol am I though?), I'm going to post the next chapter in a few hours. I think you'll like that one significantly more ;) 

This is very quickly going to turn into an AU. It kind of is already, but things will get a little crazy in the sequel. Speaking of the sequel, I made the cover and am debating a couple different titles! I'm really excited to get started on writing it. If there's anything in particular you want to see in a sequel (or in this book, I suppose), I'm open to suggestions! (keyword = suggestions, not requests). 

See you soon, and may the force be with you!