The Boyfriends Series

Panic Attacks

There's a reason why Sarawat steered clear of social media.

(set during episode 8, canon-divergent after Tine finds Sarawat in the hallway)

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When Sarawat was a child, he was diagnosed with mild social anxiety. He vaguely remembered being teased for his floppy ears and lanky frame when he went out to play with the other kids at school and he brought that crippling insecurity with him to his teenage years. When his psychiatrist suggested music therapy to help with the anxiety, Sarawat took like glue to playing the guitar and suddenly he could go out and make friends.

After he grew into his features and tall stature, Sarawat suddenly became hot shit to his peers in school. Plus, he played the guitar which was a bonus among both the male and female population. He also learned to tune out any negative comments by plugging in his earphones and listening to whatever album he had on hand.

Social media was another thing though.

It was hard to block out comments on social media. Sometimes you couldn't help but scroll through them after you post something, checking if someone said something unflattering about you. While the comments were overwhelmingly positive when it came to Sarawat's posts, it was the sharp edge of the negative comments that gave him panic attacks.

So, after a year on Facebook and Instagram, Sarawat decided to stay far away from social media. It was only when he met Tine, the social butterfly who thought updating his IG stories with every minute detail of his life made him chic, that made the guitarist's decision waver. He had a new account on Instagram in a week.

And we all know how that turned out.

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Sarawat groaned in pain, one hand clutching the part of his abdomen where one of the boys had delivered a very hard kick. He was on the ground, leaning against the cool metal lockers, shirt wet from both water from the shower and specks of blood from his cut lip.

If you don't delete your Instagram, I'll make sure the guy you're dating gets the same treatment we gave you today. Got it?

In retrospect, Sarawat realized that he shouldn't have been so public with his wooing of Tine. It placed the other boy in the spotlight of his scarier fans, and now, their angry boyfriends as well. It scared him, at what these boys could do to him and Tine.

The thought of Tine hurt had Sarawat's breath coming in faster and in deep shuddering gasps. He closed his eyes, willing his heartbeat to slow as he struggled to take in air. Each breath was fucking painful. He felt a black veil clouding the edges of his vision as he recalled how the boys crowded around him, the pain that filled his senses with every kick and punch, the jeering voices...

There's not enough air! Sarawat thought desperately, one hand coming up to his chest as he hunched over his knees.

"Wat!"

Tine's voice.

Sarawat felt cool, gentle hands frame his face as he struggled to take deeper breaths. Tine... he thought, mind in a daze from the lack of oxygen. "Can't...breathe..."

He heard Tine shuffle closer to him on the floor as he took one of Sarawat's hands in his own and placed it on his own chest. "Come on, Wat. Breathe with me. That's it. In and out."

Tine can't see me like this...

Sarawat started to shake Tine's grip off, the panic rising up in his throat. I have to keep him safe!

"I'm safe, Sarawat." He heard Tine say firmly, the boy not letting go of his hand. He must've said that last thought out loud. "We both are. There's no one here but you and me. Just us in this corridor."