YOONJIN | Awkward Silence

"What to say"

"I'm almost healed," Yoongi muttered to himself, lied to himself, his voice hoarse as he tried talking for the first time in years.  He was alone and that was all he needed to attempt to speak.

He would never talk to others.  Never talk to anyone but his mother and dog who both were no longer alive, even when they were, him using his voice was a 1/10000 possibility.

Damn car accident.

Yoongi's rib was healing, almost completely healed, but only one wrong move could stop that.

Yoongi rolled his wheelchair over to the window, he hasn't left his hospital room since he was found and immediately brought into ER.

With a groan he grabbed the window sill, pulling himself up to his feet.

He breathed out heavily, using his arm strength to keep himself from falling.

His chest began to hurt from his heavy, quick breathing and he let go, falling into the wheelchair behind him with a wheeze, panting heavily as the tears stung his eyes.

He wanted to be normal again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ah, here he is," The support group's counselor, who Yoongi saw his name's Namjoon, spoke, motioning towards Yoongi as he rolled through the doorway.  Apparently he wasn't a "counselor" counselor, but just someone who had gone through physical therapy and could sympathize better.

Yoongi waved, not really wanting to be there.

It was silent, they were waiting for him to introduce himself, Namjoon scrambling for a dry erase marker after remembering that he's mute.

Yoongi rolled himself to the dry erase board, installed in the room for him who would never speak.  He couldn't around people, physically couldn't. 

Namjoon handed him the marker, Yoongi uncapping it and writing his name and age on the board.

"Anything else you'd like to add?"

Yoongi bit his lip, writing, "What to say?  There's not much."

He didn't write anything else, instead letting everyone introduce themselves.

Suddenly one of the taller guys shivered roughly, getting the question of, "Did you eat?"

He only made grabby hands for the trash behind Namjoon, immediately getting it and throwing up.

Yoongi, being his sympathetic self, rolled over and rubbed his back, getting an appreciative smile in return.

After a bit, he stopped throwing up, being taken out of the group with a violent hiss of, "Fuck that damn feeding tube."

Yoongi watched carefully, he did kind of want to talk but he couldn't, he felt as if it was impossible to him no matter how hard he tried.

A boy next to him poked his shoulder, "I'm Jeongguk, nice to meet you, hyung."

Yoongi backed up to the board, tilting his head for the younger to follow him to the whiteboard.

Jeongguk did so, watching as Yoongi wrote.

"How old are you?"

"17."

"What are you here for?"

"Bad pneumonia.  They think my lungs might fill up again so they're gonna keep me here for a bit.  My poor parents bill."

"Who was that guy?"

"He's older, weren't you listening earlier?"

Yoongi shook his head.

"His name's Kim Seokjin, Psuedo-obstruction motility disorder.  I feel bad, he wants to eat again but he throws it up and goes though hell every time.  He's 20.  He cares a lot, more about others than himself.  He's also going deaf, but he still has pretty good hearing as of right now."

Yoongi nodded, "thank you."

Jeongguk smiled with a nod.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi rolled his eyes at the nurse who tried to feed him, playing his phone's robotic voice so she'd leave him alone.

"My legs are paralyzed, not my arms."

That did the trick and he could eat the food on his own.

He sat towards the end of the table with Jeongguk, subtly watching the sour look on Seokjin's face as he stared at the machine beside him.

A nurse came over despite his very loud argument of, "I rather die than live like this!"

Jeongguk and Yoongi exchanged sympathetic glances.

Yoongi knew how that phrase felt, despite not being able to voice it out loud, he knew that once you tell someone that in a hospital.  You fucking mean it.  You literally mean, let me die here or speed up the process because I'm sick.  Sick of not being normal.

Yoongi stared down at the table, Jeongguk reaching over to rub his shoulder.

"His life pretty much consists of constant pain, trying to eat, throwing it up, more pain, and curling up on his bed crying with a heating pad.  I wish I could do something." Jeongguk muttered, picking at his food, "He's like my elder brother.  Ever since they first emptied my lungs, ran their tests, and told me I have to stay for a few months to ensure they won't fill up again, he's been here.  He lives here now because otherwise, he'd never hook himself up to the feeder himself.  He'd suffer trying to eat."

"How long has he been here?" Yoongi played on his phone.

"Since he was 14, he was diagnosed at 12 but they found out he was doing more harm at home so they thought a temporary stay about teaching him how important the feeding tube is would do it and sent him back home at 16, came back almost a year later without nutrients for 9 months.  So now he lives here where they can make sure."

Yoongi suddenly lost his appetite, pushing his half eaten plate to the side.

Jeongguk gave him a small smile which turned confused when Yoongi backed up and began rolling over.

Yoongi tilted his head towards Seokjin and rolled his wheelchair over, the nurse and Seokjin looking at him confused.

Yoongi bit down the embarrassment, pulling out his phone, "Let me, I want to get to know people."

The nurse hesitantly agreed, knowing how stubborn Yoongi is when he wants something.

Yoongi did actually want to get to know him though, he was curious about him, about why he gave up so early he had to live in a hospital.  He wanted Seokjin's side of the story.

The two made eye contact and Yoongi rolled his wheelchair to where the nurse was standing before, a small smile of his face.