Don't Write Me Off

4. jasper - we just have to wait and see

The first study session with Erika wasn't half-bad, and I won't admit it to her face just yet but the notes she made on my first draft of the letter I was writing were really helpful. It took me three tries before she gave me my phone back, an indication that I was doing well. I can't exactly say the same for her math exercises, but the good thing is we have at least two weeks to work on it and determine if she can make it through finals, too. Assuming this goes on till then. We decided to meet every MWF at 5 pm in the Main Library, but after the ridiculous amount of shushing we got from other students, I might think of suggesting another place.

By 9 pm, the library was still full of students studying or sleeping, which wasn't surprising to me. Erika said she had to go meet up with a friend so I went straight home to my condo with about 3 sheets of yellow paper, my drafts, folded in my pocket. I find the latest one and rewrite it on the ridiculous stationery set Erika got me. I scowled at her when she handed it over before leaving, satisfied that I'm going along with her plans. I would normally complain, but she was right to anticipate that I don't have envelopes or other types of paper at home. At least these ones look relatively normal.

My handwriting is ugly compared to Erika's neat, slightly cursive one in the borders of my drafts, so the actual letter looks out of place on the nice paper. I reread it over and over again, feeling a little bit odd that I've managed to come up with something like this. I am not one for gestures that involve too many words.

2 October 2019

Dear Corinne,

I haven't stopped thinking about you because you're all I've ever known since high school. You weren't taking my calls, so I thought I'd write you a letter every week instead. By going back to the old days, I might just get to remind you why we were better together.  I hope this reaches you, and if you don't want to hear from me, you can just say so. I know we have to work on things and I am fine with that. I'm willing to, and you can count on me.

One of the things I will work on is communicating better. Ralph told me the other day that he saw you along Dapitan with someone else. I don't know what happened ever since we broke up and it hurts to think about, but I swear this time I'll fight for you. I want to talk about what you did and how I'm ready to move on from it. I still believe that we belong together, do you still feel the same way? This is just a minor setback. I hope a year was enough time to think everything through; because to me, it was. I'll be waiting until you don't want me to.

It's still you. Please let me back into your life.

Love,

Jasper

--

"So, have you given her the letter?"

I look up at Erika sliding over her answered worksheet so I can check; her question hanging in the air. I can feel her staring at me while I look at her equations and point out a few mistakes and she quickly gets the paper back to work on it again. I thought she was going to drop the subject but she doesn't, even with her eyes on her paper, "I'm waiting..."

"I haven't done anything yet."

This gets her attention. She exaggerates a gasp, "Why? How are we supposed to work on the other letters if she hasn't responded?"

I worry, "Does she have to write back?"

"Ideally, yeah," she shrugs.

"We haven't spoken for a long time so I wouldn't really count on us being pen pals," I scoff. I put on my earbuds to start playing on my phone again but she reaches over the table to pull them out of my ears, which elicits a grunt from me and a shush from the guy two tables away from us. "Ow! What? I was just saying."