Don't Write Me Off

18. jasper - you're an angel in disguise

"It's good that you packed a swimsuit. You're surprisingly really prepared for a weekend getaway," I whisper to Erika, sitting next to me on the last row of seats in the white van my parents rented for the beach trip in Anilao.

Her eyes are closed under her sunglasses so I wonder for a moment if she's still asleep, but she leans her head on my shoulder, sighing deeply, "I also packed at least two sweaters. Impulsivity is not a good look on me."

"Ah, well, baby steps," I lean my head on top of hers and close my eyes too. We barely slept last night coming up with that pros and cons list about Gab and trading stories from our childhood. I know so much about her now I could probably ace a quiz if she gave one. Like how upset she is that Tini Wini cookies were discontinued. Her dad bought her that and Nestle fresh milk every day when she was like 3 or 4, before he left for work, or how I got lost in a mall at Ortigas as a kid because I was distracted by some kid wearing a Power Rangers costume.

"You know, drinking that bottle last night wasn't our wisest idea," Erika groans lightly, "my head kind of hurts. The pancakes helped, though."

"Do you remember where we put the list?"

"Here," Erika taps the front zipper of her backpack with her hand, eyes still closed. I move slightly so I can reach over to read what we wrote.

Should Erika get back together with Gab?

(prepared by Jade & Dale)

"Let's use our second names so we can pretend we're different people," Erika said last night, crawling from my bed to the floor so we can sit and write on the yellow pad better given the flat surface. I follow suit, getting two pillows from my bed to support us.

Pros

*Knows her really well

*He has a good relationship with Kelsey and the Rallos family loves Erika(!!!)

*Rich and capable of so many things (future is assured)

*Persistent when he wants to be (hard not to fall in love again)

*Thought to be Erika's LOML before

I read over what she wrote so far before I'm tempted to scribble an edit, "What the hell is LOML? That sounds like an abbreviation for laughter."

"Love of my life," Erika answered, "but also...you do have a point."

Cons

*Kind of an asshole (and can be obnoxious)

*Runs when confronted with trouble

*Anxiety-inducing because of past events

*Tends to gaslight Erika and doesn't accept her as she is, wants to change her too much

*She doesn't want to be around him like before

*Has too much power over her

We decided we could always add more next time when we (Erika, me mostly just snide remarks) couldn't add anything else. This pros/cons list thing is a lot easier than writing letters or learning college algebra, so even when I'm not entirely on board with the topic, it was fun. Last night on the floor, while lying on my back, Erika on her stomach, we  managed to sneak in a bottle of brandy from the kitchen. We passed the small shot glass back and forth, took a few pictures with each other that we may (or may not, I can't remember) have sent to Paula. We fell asleep on the floor, but when I woke up earlier, I transferred Erika to the other bed, which of course woke her up, too, but not by much because she pulled me in and snuggled close. I couldn't move, my chest feeling tight at first, but eventually I closed my eyes again and fell asleep that way.