Don't Write Me Off

24. jasper - mourn the years before i got carried away

It's almost midnight and I'm watching an old guy explain kinematics and dynamics on Youtube as a procrastination tactic, as if I don't already know. I'm reviewing for a final and trying to build a simple machine in my head that I don't even notice the landline ringing, if it ever rang in the first place. Instead, what gets my attention is the doorbell. I check my phone and there aren't any messages from Erika, after we just saw each other earlier for a last review session, so it would be weird for her to be back again when she should be getting some sleep.

I get out of my room to check the door, muttering about how people seem to just barge into my unit freely without even asking if they could. I mean it's fine, usually, but I really am busy so at this point it seems annoying. I scratch my head, checking the peephole because Gab gave too much of a lesson on the importance of it. Upon seeing, I feel my breath get caught in my throat. A familiar figure stands on the other side, or at least semi-stands, because she's leaning her arm and head on the side of the door, just waiting for me to open up. I look again to make sure I'm not dreaming it.

I open the door finally, not knowing what to feel, "Cor? What are you doing here?"

When she looks up, I see it: she's red in the face and crying. I barely have time to move away when she hugs me and instead of the familiar perfume she wears wafting in the air, the putrid smell of alcohol hits my nostrils. Lots of it, like it spilled all over her top or her sobbing is also a release of the breath in her mouth. I try to pull away, not having the time to absorb all this without proper explanation, but she doesn't let me. Instead, I rub her back begrudgingly, worried but also refusing to get sucked into her theatrics because like the lessons on basic Physics, I've heard and seen it a thousand times. It's surprising that I feel this way now, but even she can't blame me anymore.

"I-I miss you," she sobs into my chest, I manage to pull her away a little, "Okay, Cor, sure. You need to calm down a little. I'm getting you a glass of water."

"Austin cheated on me," and there it is. I sigh, trying to get her off me but instead she cries again, burying herself into my chest. I hear her sniff, "God, I missed you so much, Jas. I was so wrong. Let's be together again, no one could love me like you did."

The annoyance rises up within me, frustrated like a volcano wanting to erupt so badly but not being able to do so. This is so typical of Corinne and I admit that I've enabled this behavior because like an addict, I also kept coming back to her, believing only the two of us are capable of tolerating each other in the long run despite the inconsistency. I'd like to believe I know better now, and I've seen what the world has to offer the moment I learned to let it go. Hell, it brought me Erika, and if I don't get Corinne out of here as soon as possible, I'm not so sure how Erika's going to take this. I quickly made a mental note to message her about it tonight, but then it's her last day of finals tomorrow and I don't want her to wake up to anxiety-inducing news. I decide against it and instead opt for the option to tell her about it after her exam.

Corinne starts coughing a little and the smell of alcohol becomes overpowering again, she looks up to face me and for a split-second I think she's about to say something but instead she tiptoes to kiss me on the lips with such eagerness that I'm completely thrown. I pull away in shock, about to tell her off, but she steps backward hastily and vomits on the floor. She looks back up at me to apologize but I hold up my right hand, not wanting to hear it. I sigh, "Hop in the shower, I'll take care of this."

I turn my back and head to the restroom, getting the mop and bucket in the process as she walks slowly towards the shower. I close the door behind me, not looking. The smell is almost suffocating, it takes me a longer time to clean up because I feel like I'm also about to hurl. I wash my hands in the kitchen sink, feeling as sweaty and smelly and wondering why I have to put up with all this when I'm reviewing for finals and working on other things. When I hear the bathroom door open, Corinne is wrapped in my towel.