Don't Write Me Off

9. erika - there are times when you'll need someone

"Sorry I'm late." I flinch, removing my earphones when I feel Jasper's hand on my shoulder for what seems to be a millisecond before he sits down opposite me.

"What took you so long?" I whine, "and why do you look...disheveled? Did you run from your condo to get here?"

"Wow you really are a writer," he jokes. "Look, I'll get you a good luck cookie tonight if you just let my tardiness go. Please?"

I sigh, "Fine, but you better get the chocolate chip one."

"Gotcha," he winks at me, firing finger guns before he heads to the counter. He seems to be in a good mood, which is new. I, however, am nervous as heck for tomorrow's Math 11 midterms. This is our last study session, technically, but I'm pretty sure the lessons before finals will be harder to comprehend. I still don't enjoy the equations but I try not to let the math anxiety eat me up so I can remedy my problem. Much like Jasper's helpful reviewer, I decided to document my own progress in a binder as well, though not as comprehensive (or impressive) as his, but at least I can understand my own writing.

"Here you are, one warm chocolate chip cookie," he announces, setting the plate in front of me. He sits down with iced coffee in his hand. I raise my eyebrows, "You're drinking coffee on a regular day? I'm shocked."

"I need the energy," he shrugs playfully.

I carefully cut the cookie in the middle, taking a bite of the first half piece. I look up at him typing away on his phone and notice the lack of things on his person. "Where's your stuff? We're also working on your third letter, remember?"

He glances at me without putting down his phone, "Yeah, about that, I can borrow a pen and paper from you so I didn't bother."

I roll my eyes, ripping off a piece of yellow paper and sliding it in front of him. I look for a spare pen he can use, taking note of the clank it made when I almost tossed it at him, that he fails to notice. Nothing seems to bring him down today. Instead, he just looks up briefly from his phone to say thank you, like it's normal. I turn off my music so I could go back to reading my reviewer before I answer my final worksheet. He's been distracted since Monday and I don't want to get into his business right now because all I can think of the entire week is my midterm exam tomorrow. I know I am far from getting an excellent grade for Math but I want to be confident enough to at least assure myself a passing one.

I go over my notes. "Hey, I don't get this. How come in f(x) = loga(x), if a is between 0 and 1 or a is above 1, they both have vertical asymptotes but the first one is strictly decreasing while the other one is strictly increasing? Am I missing something--"

I stop talking when I realize that he's not even listening to the question. I grab his phone, startling him, "Erika, what the hell?"

I ignore him back like he's been doing all this time and look at the screen, it's a conversation thread between him and...Blanche, otherwise known as the Sharpie-scribbling girl who put his phone number in the girl's comfort room out of anger. At this point I really feel like I'm shooting lasers from my eyes because I am unbelievably annoyed at how he doesn't seem to take anything seriously. I don't bother going through the conversation further because I caught a glimpse of the words, "bend you over" and I don't need more details to know there's something going on.

"I was asking you a question, also, what the fuck, Jasper?"

He gets the phone from me and sets it face down the table. I can tell he's embarrassed. He clears his throat, "You didn't have to see that."

"I didn't want to," I rebut.

He closes his eyes, pressing his fingers to his temples with his elbows on the table. When he opens them he says, "I'm sorry, I'll be present. What was the question? Were you talking about logarithms? f(x) = loga(x)?"