5/6/08 Dear Diary,
Today, it was just too much. I failed two tests, was made fun of, was abused and cursed out. Lauren even acknowledged me today only to put me down even more. Aliyah my ‘friend’ reviled that she only hung out with me because she lost a bet. Time was up and now she didn’t have to ‘hang out with scum like me.’ That is what honestly pushed me over board. As soon as I got home, I through my stuff in my room and retrieved a small wooden box from under the floor boards. I went to the bathroom and shut and locked the door. I pulled my IPod out of my pocket and put on ‘Under the Bridge’ by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and opened the box. Inside was a picture of my Dad and I when I first got adopted, I pulled it out and looked under it. There wrapped in tissues were three razors. I picked up the roll of tissues and set the box down. I gently unrolled the tissues. I looked at the three glistening objects that seemed to be calling my name. I put the tissues on the counter and picked up one of the razors in what seemed like a trance. I flipped my left arm over and lowered the blade to my delicate skin. I froze, ‘did I really want to do this?’ everything in me being screamed yes while my common sense screamed no. I let out a shaky breath and turned the razor so the corner was against my skin. I jerked my right hand and felt a searing pain travel from left to right. I repeated the motion several times. I was so transfixed on the pain and blood that nothing else seemed to matter anymore. I came back down to reality with a sudden crash.
Under the bridge downtown is where I drew some blood. Under the bridge downtown I could not get enough.
I through down the razor and slowly shifted my gaze over to my arm. I couldn’t help but gasp. I was only supposed to cut a few times, but I didn’t. My entire arm was covered in different shades of red; I noticed crimson over where I had placed the cuts. I quickly washed and bandaged my arm. I rinsed off the razor and stowed it away like I found it and placed the box back underneath the floor boards.
Dad, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I promise I will never cut again. I promise. As I lie down on my bed writing this I can’t help but hear the song lyrics repeat over and over again in my head.
Under the bridge downtown is where I drew some blood. Under the bridge downtown I could not get enough.
- Tabitha Shay
YOU ARE READING
The Cutter Diaries
ContoTabitha is an orphan who was adopted and was unwanted by her adoptive Mother. Her adoptive Father was killed by a drunk driver four months ago. Ever sense Tabitha has been treated like garbage. In her Father's will Tabitha can only get her inheritan...
