Like a Phoenix

1: crossed hearts and hope to die

Hi everyone!

So. This is my first time writing fanfiction. It's actually based off of another fic I read on AO3 called Undertaker, please take it slow. by yrelec. The author just wrote about Merlin burning and didn't have the energy to give them a happy ending, so I did it for them, upon their request and permission, of course. You do not need to read that fic to understand this one, but if you would like to show support I encourage it.

I've already posted this chapter on AO3 if you want to have a look there, too! (rageynerd)

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When Merlin imagined himself on his knees in front of Arthur, he'd pictured something with a little more atmosphere. Maybe even some candles. As it was, the only type of flame Merlin seemed likely to get was of the large, dramatic variety, and probably in front of hundreds of people.

Merlin was losing his trial.

Not that you could even call it one, with all the chaos, and his lack of any kind of plea. A hoard of guards had come to his room in the middle of the night and dragged him harshly by the arms, despite his protests, into the room where he was currently meeting his fate. Originally, he had thought the worst part was that he knew the guards (and they knew him. Hell, he had just talked the one on his right into asking the girl of his dreams out on a date).

He hadn't known where Arthur was, then. A naive part of him hoped he would be asleep. But when they burst into the throne room, there he was, standing just before the thrones, awaiting him.

Merlin hadn't been able to look away from his face since. His sweating, pale, contorted face. This was the most uncertain he'd ever seen his prince. But what killed him— what really crushed his heart— was the scared and open anticipation, as if he was waiting for the punchline, for some wild explanation Merlin could always come up with on the spot.

More than anything, Merlin wished he could give that to him. To both of them.

"Merlin—" Arthur cleared his throat. His voice was quiet, and the room hushed around him, although Gwen had a hard time muffling her sobs in Morgana's blue silk dress. "Why are you here, Merlin?"

Why was he here? That was the million dollar question, wasn't it? So he told the truth. "I don't know."

Uther stood from his throne in an outrage. "So you deny your sorcery? You deny that you've been conspiring against Arthur under the pretenses of being his manservant?"

Merlin immediately tensed, and he bit back a wince from the pain it caused. "I have never in my life betrayed Arthur Pendragon. Think of me what you must. But if you remember one thing, if you believe one thing, remember that I was loyal to my prince."

And that was all Uther needed to hear. He had not denied his sorcery. While the room erupted into whispers, Arthur tried to say something, but once again failed to speak. All that came out were some strangled grunts. If Merlin didn't think this was the last time he would be able to see those blue eyes, he would've looked away. There weren't words to describe what shone there. A mixture of things, perhaps. Disbelief and betrayal and fear and grief.

"Take him to the dungeon," Uther commanded, and the guards hauled him up by the forearms. Arthur didn't say a thing. No one did.

Merlin kept his eyes fixed on the floor. He didn't see a way out of this, and he certainly didn't want to see the faces of all the people he had caused pain. Maybe this was all a dream. If it was, he hoped to wake up soon.

***

" Merlin," someone hissed. " Merlin! "

Merlin startled from where he was shackled to the cold stone floor of the dungeon, leaning forward but not making it to the bars of the cell.