Like a Phoenix

4: vintage misery

Oh shit. Oh shit.

"You have magic ?"

Well... oops. They had forgotten about that part. Merlin and Morgana both froze, processing what was happening and not knowing how to move forward. Merlin's heart reached out to Morgana because... yeah. He'd been there. He was still there. And this was her first time being discovered by someone who wasn't of magic. It was a big moment.

Despite Gwen's apparent tolerance, it could change everything.

When Morgana was finally able to speak, she sounded in pain and a little frantic. "Gwen—"

But Gwen wouldn't hear it. She shook her head violently, cheeks coloring in anger and curls bouncing, damp against her forehead. " Don't," she bit, unforgiving and disappointed.

Morgana's face fell. No one around them breathed, fearing, somehow, whatever they did would make it worse. Gwen didn't often lose her temper. When she did, the results weren't usually all that pleasant. Merlin's heart ached. For both of them. He knew how it felt to be in Morgana's position, forced to keep a secret and wishing she wasn't. But he also knew what it was like to be the one being lied to (via Gaius, Hunith, and/or a certain overgrown lizard) and not particularly caring why. There was no right side. Everything was just hard.

Gwen snapped the reins of her horse and rode on ahead, fast, far on in the path and away from everyone else. Out of instinct, Merlin prepared to follow her, but Lancelot stopped him by saddling up to put a hand on his shoulder. He squeezed. "Let me," he said, in his usual gentle way, and rode off after her.

Merlin, Morgana, and Hunith watch him go. Hunith had been trotting along, observing in silence, but she spoke up now in that quiet cadence she had. "Give her time," she soothed. "She's just got a bit of a shock, is all." She sounded like she was still in a bit of a shock herself.

During this whole argument, all he'd been thinking about was Arthur. If the ever-tolerant, unconditionally loving Gwen could have this reaction, how would the now-king act, after a year of separation (and maybe animosity?) between them, without Merlin and only his temper to guide him?

He realized that was selfish. Especially now. "Are you okay, Mum? You know I always wanted to—"

Hunith reached a hand out to stop him, rested it on his shoulder. It jostled as they shifted with their horses, but Hunith still let out a harsh, shaky breath, as if it steadied her. She squeezed her eyes shut. "I know, Darling. But I missed my boy."

Merlin didn't know what to say to that, so, heart breaking in two, he placed a hand over hers, and they rode the rest of the way home in silence.

***

Gwen seemed to come to terms with things by the time they arrived in Camelot.

Things were still a little rocky, of course. Gwen nodded at Morgana when she rejoined the group with Lance in tow, but she still kept ahead of everyone else, like she wanted them to know that her peace was reluctant.

Throughout the ride, Morgana kept trying to prod Lance for details but he refused to budge. Merlin and Hunith had both tried to rein her in, but gods bless the soul who tried to hold Morgana back from anything. Eventually, after the eleventh inquiry, Lance leaned over and whispered, "I know this sucks, Morgana, but you're not a child anymore. Your actions affect people, regardless of its necessity. As a true Lady of the realm, you must accept that, yes? It is the right thing to do."

Morgana looked like she wanted to pout further, but all she did was nod and say, " Merlin has magic. She's not mad at him. "

" Merlin was dead," Lancelot said. "What about you?"