The Dictionary of a Hopeless Romantic Wordsmith (2020)

Chapter Five

“Please stay.”

Ethan is still holding my hand. His grip tightened as if his hand doesn't want to let go.

“I may never get a chance to meet you again.” he said, “I never felt this alive until tonight. And I know it's weird, and it's crazy, and I may sound like a creep but—”

I felt his grip tightening. His brown eyes now filled with loneliness. Looking at me like it's pleading to not let him walk away.

“but I want you to stay.”

Everything was silent. The passing vehicles are inaudible. It feels like Ethan and I are in a bubble right now, like we are both isolated from the rest of the universe.

Then, I felt his hand slowly letting go. I turned to him again and his glance is glued to the floor. He looks…devastated.

“Sorry, Drei. I didn't know what came over me. I'm sorry.”

Nobody was talking. We are just standing there as if we are waiting for something to happen.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell him that I wanted to stay. That I wanted to keep him within my universe. I wanted him to be part of my life—my story.

I wanted to tell him that he isn't just an extra in my story—that he is not just supposed to be a person in the sidelines.

I wanted to tell him that he was the very first person in this city who actually talked to me about things that I love. I wanted to say that he made this night unforgettable. I wanted to say that I also never felt this alive until tonight.

But ultimately, when I needed words the most, it failed me.

“I really had fun, Drei.” I felt his arms around me. “I won't forget everything that happened tonight. I hope I could see you again. Thank you for tonight.”

We stayed like that for a while. Ethan's embrace is warm. I felt his arms tighten a little before finally letting go.

Ethan, who was in focus just moments ago, is now slowly drifting away into the backgrounds of my universe—possibly disappearing from the story forever.

He turned around and started walking away.

My feet are still glued to the ground. It feels like gravity had a tight grip on my feet. I want to run after him. Why won't my feet run after him?

Why am I not chasing after him?

I watched him slowly disappear from my sight—slowly disappear from my life.

Sonder is not a beautiful word. In fact, it is a word of sorrow that shows you that millions of people that you may come to know will eventually drift away from your life—never to be seen again.

He is now gone. And I am all alone again.

Sonder.

I hate that word now.

After that, I found myself on a taxi on my way back to my apartment. The whole ride was excruciatingly long. At that point, I just wanted to lie down on my bed and sleep this night away.

Sleep this night away and forget it ever existed.

And that's just what I did.

I slept the night away. But unfortunately, I did not forget.