Cartel│Mark Lee

I wouldn't have changed a thing

I laid beside Mark in his bed. The room was dark but the moonlight casted a white light along Marks face so I could see him. Last time I was in this room I felt on top of the world but now I had a sense of fear. He faced me and I looked at him intently, trying to work out some kind of logic. The night had grew long and we were now home from the party. Marks eyes were closed and I studied him. He seemed so at peace but I knew the darkness in him was just hiding beyond the surface. Mark was terrifying to me, like a mystery I couldn't solve with twists. Was he happy? Why was he acting so bizarre these days? His actions from tonight and the rumor Jaehyun told me made me feel so distant from Mark. I felt like I was walking on eggshells when he was around.

I hadn't spoken a word to Mark since he yelled at me to go back inside the party with him. Perhaps I was too scared to open my mouth or I just had nothing to say. All I could think about was Jaehyun's face when I left him outside in the cold. Was Jaehyun really lying to me about Mark? He was someone who always wanted the best for me. He never was one to lie or disappoint me, he always gave me what I wanted. With those thoughts in mind I began to doubt Mark. "What is it Vanessa?" Marks voice startled me and with his eyes still closed he tossed around. "What?" I stuttered, clearly taken back. "I can tell you're staring at me. You are also sighing." He mumbled sleepily and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. I stayed silent and Mark used his arms to pull me in closer to him. 

I heisently rested my head on his chest and relaxed my body against his. His chest rose and fell as he breathed. "I've never told you about my parents. Have I Mark?." I muttered and shut my eyes. He grunted in his sleepy state and I let out a long breath. My past was dark, it was something I never liked to talk about or explain. It was hard for me to bring up my family, in fact I never brought them up. In this moment I felt the urge to confide in Mark about my past matters. I felt like I needed to tell him. I needed to know what his reaction would be. "My parents were always very loving towards me. I thought they were the world, at least that is what they meant to me." I smiled in the memory of being an innocent child. "They both overdosed when I was ten." 

I peered down at Mark and he finally opened his eyes to look at me. He didn't say anything and I took this time to continue. "I had no idea what happened. I was a kid and growing up in that environment. Hell, it is normal in this age to be high all the time!" I laughed at the irony. Here I was, Vannesa, a partner with the cartels boss talking about how narcotics ruined her life. Mark licked his lips and turned flat on his back to stare at the ceiling. I really wondered If Mark was using drugs but I was too scared to ask. I didn't want to know the answer If Jaehyun was right. I felt the need to tell him how I felt about drugs. "I have always had a hatred for drugs. That is why I wanted to leave this business in the first place, before I even signed the contract with you." My voice was low but it wasn't sad, It was in fact strong. "When my parents died I had absolutely nothing." I paused and stared at the ceiling with Mark. "That's why you always have this thirst for money and power. That is why you wanted to come back after I let you go. You felt like you did when you were a child." Mark muttered and my breath hitched in my throat. 

The room was dark and I tried to read Marks expression. His face was blank and I harshly bit my lip. He was right. That was exactly how I felt. Even with my undeniable attachment to Mark, that reason alone made me selfishly wish for Haechans death so I could come back. I sat up and brought my knees to my chest. "I'm sorry for bringing you into the business. I didn't know the relationship you had with." He paused and sighed, "Drugs." The white powder lined up on metal trays made me sick. The pills people passed around at parties filled me with emptiness. These feeling followed me everywhere I went, I couldn't escape the reason behind the death of my parents. The man who Haechan first sent out to the house to kill Mark was on drugs. I remembered the look on his face, it was all too familiar. "You didn't mean to bring me into the cartel Mark, it's okay. You just wanted a cover up for the press." I sighed almost comforting him. He stayed silent and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I did mean to bring you into the cartel though. You should know by now i'm not that hasty with my pickings." Mark was so bland and I found myself utterly confused. "What do you mean by that? You just found me on a street at a bad time." Mark laughed at my words sarcastically. "I knew you far before that Vanessa. I saw you once in a bar and made a vow to myself I would have you." Mark said and finally turned to me. My lips parted in shock. "You brought me into the cartel on purpose?" My mouth ran dry and I realized Mark had been carrying around this guilt for a long time. "I have always had this strange infatuation for you. I had never felt love before and I knew you were special since the first time I saw you. I just wanted you around, even when I didn't know my true feelings towards you." Marks lips pursed as he awaited my reaction.

I was in shock. I didn't know if I should have been mad. I don't think I even had the place to be mad. Mark purposely brought me into a life with aggression and bad memories of the past, but this life also brought me so much happiness. I honestly felt a sense of flattery from his words. Thee Mark Lee, the man every woman wanted to have and every man aspired to be, wanted me. He saw me for the first time and decided to have me in his life. I had always wanted to fix Mark, almost like an itch waiting to be scratched, and he allowed me too. Although he lied to me, I felt warmth fill up my body at the fact Mark has loved me since the first time he saw me. "I-i don't know what to say Mark." I spit out the words in my mind and he frowned. He wanted a reaction, but I couldn't give him one. 

I sat up and my legs hung out from the side of the bed. I pulled the sheets up over me to cover my bare body as the rooms tension grew. "I am sorry Vanessa. I've wanted to tell you for a long time but I figured-." I cut him off. "Figured what? It wasn't important that you purposely switched around my entire life for you and your selfish reasons of being 'infatuated' with me!" I began to yell. I was beyond confused and my frustration was built up. "Vanessa I'm sorry." He was calm and rested his hand on my shoulder softly. My back was turned away from him and my breathing was heavy. I began to think of a life if I never met Mark and I almost scoffed at the thought of it. I would of had peace of mind being far away from my dark past, but no money, no power and no Mark. It was almost depressing to think about. "I know I should be mad at you Mark, but if I could go back in time and know to avoid you that night. If I could go back and know not to go to that bar so you wouldn't have ever saw me, I think I still would have gone. I wouldn't have changed a thing."