𝐬.𝐩. 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

you're here with me, don't you know?

ally mayfair richards

note: yeah all i can say is this might only makes sense if you've experienced derealization/dissociation. otherwise it probably just sounds fucking crazy lmfao 😭.

• • •

ally had been through this process with you more times than you'd like to admit. tonight was no different as you sat between her legs, her arms around your waist. she listened to you talk it out, taking in every word even though there were parts she never fully understood.

"i just don't feel real. like, i can hear myself talking but i'm not really talking, but i know i am talking. i'm not here, you know? i'm not attached to my body. i feel so far away and i don't know how to be here again."

you inhaled, continuously rambling. "i don't know what i'm feeling. nothing even looks real. i feel like im looking out of a camera lens, and things look fake. and my body parts, those aren't mine. my hands aren't mine. my arms, i can't feel them..."

this went on for 10 minutes before you finally subsided. you went completely silent as you tried to process what felt like a glitch in your brain.

derealizing felt like the worst parts of being high. and really, the only thing you could do was wait it out.

but ally continued to hold you, letting her hand fall atop of yours, rubbing small circles on the palm of your hand. her touch was gentle, kinder than anything you felt before.

you slowly brought yourself back to reality, focusing on her breathing. "m'sorry, ally."

"shh, don't apologize for what you cant control. you know i don't mind, sweetheart." you grunted. "yeah, but it's annoying and you shouldn't have to put up with my bullshit."

abruptly, ally cupped your face and spoke gently. she held her gaze to yours, ensuring that you were taking in every word she said.

"you've put up with so many of my issues-"

"yeah but-"

"no buts. tell me how many times you have you dealt with my panic attacks, or my nightmares? and what about the many, many times i needed you while you were at work? hm?"

you looked down.

"you don't find me annoying, do you?"

"god no! i could never think that. i care about you so much. so much more than you know, ally." you began to cry into her chest.

she giggled at your immediate reaction to her question, but quickly swooped in to save the day.

"hey now, it's okay. i only meant that as a joke, honey. i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said that." the brunette circled your back with her hands, something she knew always calmed you down.

"but seriously, y/n. you never bother me at all. and you're definitely not annoying when you're going through one of your episodes." ally paused, not giving you a chance to interject before she finished.

"sweetheart, if anything it helps me get to know you better - and i'm more than happy that you're comfortable enough to share this side of you with me. you will always be safe here."

her statement was entirely true, even the part about being safe with her - because you'd never felt more safe in your entire life than you did when you were in ally's arms.