𝐬.𝐩. 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

and down we go

cordelia goode

request: Hey, I was wondering if I could request a Cordelia Goode x reader but the reader had bipolar? Do not worry if not! And please don't feel obligated to. Hope you're okay and safe.

note: so normally i wouldn't have cordelia brush things like this off, but from my experience in people with bipolar - a lot of the times people don't want to deal with it when they see someone beginning to spiral. and that's not to say everyone is like that, but it's a hard illness for both the person with it and for those that care for them.
+ i do not have bipolar myself, but my brother, a dear friend of mine, and a family friend all have this disorder, so i've had my share of experiences involving those who have it. but again, i do not have bipolar myself, so if anything is off or doesn't sound right, that would be why. ALSO! bipolar comes in three main forms, therefore people have different experiences with it. so this may not be what it's like for you! please keep that in mind as you read this!! and please never abruptly stop your medication. thank you! :).

• • •

so you'd decided to go off your meds? big deal. you felt okay. there was no need for them anymore. life was good.

although cordelia would have your ass if she knew.

things were fine, though. everything was nice - to say the least.

until they weren't.

but sometimes bipolar just so happened to be one of those things that would spin out slowly until it rapidly started to snowball.

it started out with small impulse purchases, cordelia didn't think anything of it - why would she? people buy shit they don't need all the time.

to you it was something bigger. deciding to stop your medication felt like the best decision you'd ever made. you couldn't remember the last time you felt this good.

but then cordelia had you less and less as each day passed. she never knew what you were doing anymore. you'd spend most of your time away from the house, only coming home a couple times a day to check on her.

she asked about you, wondering if you were even getting any sleep. but you brushed her off, almost snapping at her when she questioned you more. you held your tongue, and instead told her you were planning something huge.

she bit her lip, worried. but she let it go for now, allowing herself to deny what she really knew was going on.

some days cordelia found you to be almost ADHD you were so wired. she couldn't hold a continuous conversation with you because you were always distracted by something.

it went on like this for two months, although lately you started staying home more, suddenly losing interest in the outside world. cordelia was too busy with work to be around anymore, so she didn't notice you falling into a depressive state.

you'd quit your job a few weeks ago. cordelia didn't know that, but right now you didn't really care if she found out. that was the last thing on your mind.

nothing seemed to bring you any kind of happiness. there wasn't anything that you looked forward to anymore. and what made you feel even worse was that you felt alone.

all your friends stopped having contact with you after you talked their ears off. most of them didn't really understand what you were babbling on about, it was a different topic every time.

you barely started taking hints when their answers became few and far between. some of them ignored each call you made while others simply blocked your number.

this flipped the switch, though. still, two weeks of feeling depressed, you were once again in bed, tear tracks running down your face.

nobody wants you.

you're too much for anyone to care for.

you'll never live a normal life.

you will always have to rely on someone.

everyone will leave you.

the thoughts were too much for your already fragile state of mind to handle. and suddenly you were wailing, hitting your arms and legs when you sat up. when you stopped, you suddenly remembered where your pill bottles were and angrily threw them to the floor - several pills spilling out along the way.

you hated your disorder.

and while it hadn't taken as much away from you as it had other people, that didn't minimize what it did take away from you.

friends. family. what were supposed to be stable relationships. your job. happiness. and at times, moments of your life that were supposed to happen without a problem.

like your high school graduation.

you spent that night in the hospital waiting to be checked into a psych ward.

cordelia walked in and only assumed you were trying to do the worst. she grabbed you by your shoulders, shaking you back to reality. tears were streaming down both of your faces.

her worry was covered by anger.

"why would you do that? what the fuck is wrong with you-"

"i wasn't- that's not what i was doing..." you trailed off, sitting back down on the bed as you tried to set your reality back in place.

"i'm sorry, delia. i thought it would be okay... i thought i would be okay without them." your voice cracked. cordelia immediately brought you in a hug, still afraid that she might lose you any second.

when she pulled away, she cupped your face. it was a little harsher than she intended, but you couldn't blame her.

"i'm setting up an appointment for you tomorrow. this can't, won't continue any longer, and i'm sorry i didn't say anything sooner."

you nodded in her grip.

cordelia didn't allow you to pick up the pills. instead, she made sure you went to bed, not easing up until she knew you were asleep.

she didn't sleep at all that night.

and it would be quite some time before she trusted you to handle your medication on your own again.

but you respected that, and appreciated it more than anything.