Vampire World ON HOLD

Chapter 9

"What's wrong?" Josh asked me once he made it to my house. I was curled up on the couch still sobbing from Xavier's words: Now Casey is dead because of you. He came over to me and pulled me to his chest.

"Xavier...and Casey." I took a deep breath. "I get everyone killed Josh. I hate this. You turning me into a vampire is the worst thing you could do to me."

"You don't mean that."

I pulled away from him. "I mean everything! My dad is dead. Casey is dead."

"We can fix this, Sky." Josh pleaded.

I shook my head. "Just go Josh. I want to be alone."

He listened and left without another word.

"Why did this have to happen to me?" I asked myself aloud, glancing up at the two kids chasing each other along the sidewalk. Today was a nice day to just go outside and think. Especially in the park. I took a deep breath. All I did was push everyone I care about away. And on top of that, I got two people I care about killed. Why did I have to become this vampire queen. Past-life or not, this is not fair. I had a good life before this. Although, Josh and I wouldn't have found any connection at all without us being who we are.

I think the only way I'd feel better is if I find Xavier. I have to fix this problem between us. He's the only one who's been a friend to me this whole time. Now that I lost him, I feel...incomplete, even though I didn't know him previously. I stood up and headed to the only place he could be.

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I walked closer to him. The only place I could think he will be is outside of the town he had showed me, where Casey had died. Once I came up closer to him, I realized he was hovered over a small cross on the ground. Spiked thorns was wrapped around it.

"I knew you'd try to find me." he turned around to me. His cold, gray eyes sent a chill through me. "What do you want?"

I paused. "I came to find you. I want to apologize."

"Apologies won't bring Casey back to life, Dementia."

"I told you, I don't like being called that--" I said, but stopped myself knowing this is not the time for a senseless argument.

"Get used to it because you are Dementia."

"Xavier--" I started, but he quickly cut me off.

"Are you trying to say you're sorry again? I told you, that can't bring Case back to life." he quickly appeared before me. "She's dead. Because of you."

I balled my hands into fists at my sides, taking in his insults. "I know."

"Then why are you here? You took my life from me. Case--"

This time I stopped him. I'm sick and tired of him screaming at me. I spilled out everything that came to mind. "I know you loved her Xavier! I swear I'm sorry for everything. I can't bring her back, and I wish I could. I wish I took her place, but it didn't work out that way. And I'm sorry." I took a deep breath. "I really want things to be right between us. If I die, or you, I don't want it to end this way..." I waited for a response from him. All he did was stare at me, seeming unsure how to answer me. "I'd understand if you don't want to speak to me again. Or even see me again. You're right, I'm reckless and stupid and so so sorry. All I wanted to do was fix this and I really hope I did." I pressed my lips together, waiting for a angry comeback of some sort, but it didn't come.

"Are you done?" he finally asked me.

I nodded. "Is that all you were thinking? If I was done? Did you listen to one thing I said?"

"Yeah. I stopped listening at the second sorry." he grinned.

I forced a smile on my lips. How can he be so happy now? Just a while ago, he hated my guts. "What?"

"I remembered some things Casey had told me about you." he said, running his fingers through his hair. "She really fell in love with you."

I watched him walk back over to Casey's gravesite. "I have to admit, she was a really nice kid."

"Yeah she was." He crouched over the cross, brushing his fingers over the wood. Smoke rose from his finger tips, but he seemed to ignore it. I hadn't realized crosses actually do hurt vampires. The smell of burnt skin rose up in the air. "I know it wasn't your fault. I just...you were the only one who was there. I guess I found you as someone I could spill my anger out onto."

"Very understandable." I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand there and watch his hand turn charcoal. "Hey," I stepped over to him and pulled away his hand. "Don't you feel that?" I glanced at his hand. It had started to heal and regain its pale color.

"It doesn't matter. I deserve it." he said still looking at the grave, squeezing my hand in his.

I searched his unreadable face. "You don't deserve pain. No one ever deserves pain." I watched him as he got to his feet.

"Very prophetic." he smiled again at me, with more brightness in it.

"Thanks, I try."

He suddenly took my cheek in his palm. My face grew warm to his touch and I bet he knew it when his grin grew. Our bodies were just a few inches apart. "I can't stop."

"Stop what?" I asked, still dazed to his touch.

He quickly closed the gap between us, our chests practically touching. "Falling for you." he answered, leaning forward. "I know we shouldn't do this. My job is to protect you. It's not right. Alex is your mate..."

I stood still in place, shivering and craving our second kiss. From the first, I hadn't gotten much out of it since I pulled away too quickly. "I know."

"Tell me when it's too much." he told me, brushing his lips against my neck. I shuddered. "Not yet?" he asked. I didn't respond, but he took it as a yes. He pecked my forehead, my nose before he finally made it to my lips.

I tugged him closer to me by his neck. This feels so right and nice to kiss him. Although with Josh, it's even more seductive and alluring. I jumped away from him in shock. "Josh." I'm with Josh. I love Josh. What am I doing with Xavier? I mean, I care about him. But I don't love him like I do Josh. At least I don't think so... I've known Josh my whole life, let alone the other lifetimes we experienced together. And I blew him off last night. How can I do that to him?

"Josh?" Xavier reached for me, but I stepped away. "Who is that? What's wrong? I thought you wanted this?"

"I do. I mean, I don't know. Just--I have to go. I'm sorry." I said and hastily walked away.