Shallow Waters

Chapter - 12

Mum and Dad are yet again absent, but I'm over caring honestly I'm basically living by myself anyway. I walk straight up to my room and jump face first onto my bed. It's times like these when I wish I was one of those people who could keep a diary unfortunately I always either lost it or just forgot about it and never wrote in it again. I choose the alternate method of simply screaming into the pillow and then crying. 

I feel awful. The more I'm with Josh the more confused I get.  I love him I do but when I'm with him I can't help but wonder to I see him as boyfriend or just a good friend. I push the thought away. I know that I'm yet again in for another sleepless night. As the night progresses thoughts float in and out of my mind but one remains constant. Harry. This boy who I don't even know but gives me this unknown energy.I know that i had pushed it too far today. I saw it in his eyes, I saw the pain and the realisation that what I said might have been true. 

I'm alerted that its morning by a message on my phone and of course its from Josh.

Good Morning babe :) xx

I take slightly longer to reply as I decide that today I will tell Tusc about me and Josh to get her advice on how to handle it. As I begin doing my hair for school I get another message which i assumed would be from Josh but its from Rick.

Thanks for covering for Logan. Got great reviews from the costumer, looks like you'll be staying around Summer.

WHAT? Great reviews? I had already prepared my he was totally out of line speech for when Rick tried to fire me. Why would Harry do that, I knew I was out of line and so did he and then he goes and does something nice. The feeling inside me tries to convince me that he's being so nice and that I should give him a second chance. No. I will not dwell on this. I have Josh, he's great, he's reliable, and he makes me feel good. I decide to block all thoughts of Harry out of my mind, he will simply be someone that I once knew. 

I spent so much time worrying, I'm going to be late for school. I throw my hair in the messiest loose bun you've ever seen. Struggle into my tight wax jeans and grab a hoodie from my cupboard. I find my converse downstairs, and who has time for breakfast. I sling my school bag on my bag and just hope that I haven't missed the bus. I arrive just as the bus is pulling up. maybe i should be late more often. I take out the homework from yesterday which i still haven't done and fly through it. It's definitely not my best work but i honestly am beyond caring.

I see Josh out front waiting on me. See this is the reliability that I would never have with... no, no thoughts about him. Josh welcomes me in a warm embrace and a small peck and we walk into school. He asks me about my night and just general things, I don't have it in me to explain that I've basically been orphaned so I just make up some bullshit story about us all sitting down for a family dinner. He buys it and leaves me for homeroom. I walk over to Tuscany and she informs me that everyones going on a holiday for the next week. That they are taking time off school and she was wondering if I'd like to come, they'd be going up the coast to all the surfing beaches. I automatically want to jump at the opportunity. I envision all of us just on the sand not a single worry we've just left the world behind. But then my mind brings me back. 

"Are your parents all cool with this?" I tentatively asked her.

"Yeah, they're fine. I told them that when I came back I'd work extra hard and pay them back"

Shit. I didn't even think about the money. Now I just know this isn't going to happen for me. They're all going to go away and I'll be left with no friends. 

"Hellloooo Sum? Yoohoo do you think you can come?"

I have to say something otherwise she'll ask questions. I decide to go with the truth but just not explain the whole story.

"Yeah, I'll have to check with mum and dad though"

At recess the trip is all anyone is talking about and i can feel my stomach being weighed down by the thought of being left out. But it is just a fact of life and I'll have to get used to it. At the end of recess Josh consumes me in a big hug and tells me he is leaving for the rest of the day for some surfing thing. I give him and kiss and wish him good luck. It's a shame I was counting on him walking me home, now I'll have to catch the bus. 

"Mrs Holland, would you care to break apart from your conversation with Charlie to actually participate in the class discussion?"

"Yes, sorry Mrs cooper" i sheepishly reply, i have found myself getting in trouble for talking alot more now that I have a social life and things to talk about. The bell for final lesson rings and everyone begins to file out of the classroom. 

"Summer Holland please stay behind" My teacher calls. The thought crosses my mind of pretending I didn't hear her but i know thats pathetic so I turn back to face her. By now the class has left and its just me and her. 

"Summer you need to stop talking in class and pay more attention. Your attitude has dropped significantly in the past few weeks and I am not the only teacher to notice. Although this has not been reflected in your work i still think you should consider it. "

"Sorry Mrs Cooper. I will take it on board I promise I will try harder."

I'm late again and I know i've missed the bus and now I have a long walk home. Alone. I slip my earphones in to shorten the journey. Nicki Minaj begins to flood my ears and I immediately pull out my earphones, I'm not in the mood not right now. I sense a car behind me and I turn to see a black wagon with tinted windows following me. I grow paranoid and try to get to a main road as fast as i can. The car speeds up and the door flies open and I am not emotionally prepared for who is inside.