Patience|New Jersey boys

"Before I even Existed"

I woke up the next morning to my alarm going off. Why do I feel sadder than usual, no it's just a bad day, I'll be fine. I go to my bathroom and brush my teeth, did my hair, and put on light makeup, I got dressed just to put some black nike sweat pants, and one of Diego's old hoodies. I didn't even feel like facing Mattia. God how can I be so stupid.

At school.
I walk with Diego to my locker to get my science books out. I slam my door and walk to class. I see Mattia talking to a girl, I look closer and it's that girl. I try to walk past them but of course, Mattia HAS to call me. Great.

"Oh Izzy!" Mattia says from behind me.

I turn around "what?"

"This is Cynthia," he introduces the blonde hair girl with 59 pounds of makeup on her face, then I realize he goes nervous, then there's a long pause.

"Cynthia, nice to meet you, I'm Mattia's girlfriend." She says with a genuine smile on her face.

What the fuck. A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND. this mothefucker played me all along, what the actual fuck? Does he know who he's dealing with? I can literally kill him!! When she said those words my fight or flight kicked in. I glared at Mattia and gave him the nastiest look. Then I turn back to cYnThiA

"Nice to meet you too, I'm Isabella." I say putting on my fakest smile that I can get out even though I'm about to explode. "Well I have to get back to my brother. See you guys later" I basically say talking out of my teeth.

I catch up to Diego and walk into class with him. I need to punch someone in the face, I don't care who it is, just someone.

*skip to lunch*

I sit as far as I can away from Mattia and his bitch. I still sit with Diego and Daniel. Throughout the whole day, I was digging my nails into my palms creating deep, dark, crescents shaped like moons.

By the end of the day, my hands started bleeding. I shook my head and just skated home with Avani. I got home and immediately went to my room without even saying 'hi' to Cesar or Oscar. I actually did homework. Wtf. After I finish, I just laid on my bed and stared at my ceiling. Trying to cope with all of these emotions, and all these thoughts. Mattia being taken, him lying to me, my mothers death, Cesar coming, beef with the prophets. Anger and Sadness rushed through my body. I felt like I was nothing. For some reason, just nothing. I'll be fine tomorrow, it's just a bad day. But this rush of adrenaline in my body is telling me to hurt something or someone. I don't know what it is, or how to stop it. Before I know it I felt myself getting to and going to the bathroom to grab a razor blade.
*TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ *
Without thinking I just do it. 5. 5 slices of oozing blood came down from my arm. What the fuck was I doing. I quickly cleaned up my arm, I stopped the bleeding, but now, I'll just wear these bracelets Avani gave me to cover up. I heard my name from downstairs.

"what" I say low toned coming downstairs.

"Mattia, Kairi, and Alejandro are here." Diego says biting into an apple.
Great, just fucking great. Of course he has to be here. I try to lighten up my mood by insulting Diego.

"Wow, a fat fuck actually eating an apple." I say sarcastically surprised.

"Shut your ass." Diego responds taking another bite.

I walk down to the basement and see Cesar, Kairi, Mattia, and Alejandro all talking to each other.

"Dang Izzy, you didn't tell me that your friends were this cool." Cesar flashed a smile.

"Yeah sure" I mumble sitting down on his bed.

Cesars POV.

While I was talking with the boys, I noticed that Izzy was awfully quiet. I looked at her and saw that she was on her phone. Then I realized something that almost sent me into fucking Mars. I see cuts on her wrist hiding in the bracelets she had on. Oh no, please don't tell me this Izzy.

Back to Izzy's POV

During the whole time the boys were there. I didn't even act liked Mattia was there. I completely ignored him. Especially if he tried to talk to me. I ghosted him and went on to a conversation with Alejandro or Kairi. After they left, I went to the kitchen to see Oscar making some food. I say I wasn't that hungry, and grabbed an orange then ran up to my room.

Oscars POV

I glance over at Izzy and see she's grabbing an orange. I turn back to the stove, I thought I had saw a ghost, I turn back to her and see that she had something on her wrist, red marks. I tried to get a better look but she went up to her room.

The Next day, after school*

I walk into the house by myself since everyone else went to the football game.

"What's going on?" I say to Oscar and Cesar sitting on the couch with a man.

"Isabella, you, I mean we- need to talk. I know what was wrong with your mom. I helped her. I diagnosed her. Isabella, dear, you have clinical depression, the same your mom did." The man says.

W-what. I can't. No I can't have depression. No what the fuck. That's not possible.

"We scheduled your therapy 3 days a week." Oscar says.

"Iz, we saw the cuts on your hands." Cesar says softly.

"those were from the bracelets I was wearing. I too them off because they were hurting. See all healed" I show him my wrist covered up with makeup. "And I'm not going to therapy and I DONT HAVE DEPRESSION" I raise my voice, stomping upstairs into my room. I flip onto my bed and start crying. Why does everything have to go wrong.