Defying Equilibrium

Chapter 23: Dire Straits

It's an odd thing, grief. It takes away the very things that you would call your own, the only things you can really call yours. Material possessions can be owned, but the only things you can really lay claim to are the parts of yourself, and grief takes them. In Dare's case, it took his optimism and ability to make a joke of any situation. These things were his, but seemingly not anymore.

Instead of his usual talkative nature, he was silent, uncomfortably so. He hadn't even bothered to plait his hair as he did every morning, it just hung around his shoulders messy as ever. Oscar had never been so worried for his friend.

Oscar hadn't even had a chance to tell Ahmed what he had discovered in his dream, because he couldn't get Ahmed alone. But that wasn't really important right now, not when his best friend needed him more.

From Oscar's observations, they were definitely travelling with Riess now, not Silas. He understood the concept of a split personality, but it still made no sense. How could two souls share one body? And how could Riess be unaware of Silas's existence? It was either an extremely unlikely truth or a very elaborate lie. For some strange reason, Oscar found himself leaning towards the former, even though logic pointed it being a lie. It was just a gut feeling, and Oscar had always trusted those.

Dare was like a ghost of his normal self. It was like his soul had vacated his body, and all that was left was a shell that just did what it was told. Dakora and Sansu had both noticed this, but had no idea what was making him act so strangely. He hadn't told them.

In truth, he couldn't believe it himself. He felt so detached, going through the motions of being human like a reflex, nothing more. There was a part of him that simply refused to accept it. The older brother that he had admired, detested, respected and loved, all at once, could not be gone. He just couldn't. All that he could see in his mind was that day on the lake, when Jackson told him he was leaving. Why didn't he try to change his brother's mind? If he had only managed to talk his brother out of it that day, then he would still be alive. So why didn't he?

All of a sudden, he found himself filled with a rage that scared even him. He was not used to feeling such hatred, such anger. It rose up from the pit of his stomach like some twisted weed, growing and feeding on his fear and hate, eating away at what made him human. That was a rather dramatic way of putting it, but it was how he felt. And he didn't like it.

And that anger, that rage, was all directed at the Swordsmen army. Unjustified as it was, in his mind it was all the Swordsmen army's fault for his brother's death. It would have undoubtedly have been a Swordsman who dealt the lethal blow, who ended Jackson's life. His mind had turned all Swordsmen into harbingers of evil, workers of death. He knew this not to be true, but he thought it anyway. It made it easier, to think that his brother was killed by something lesser than human, not just another soldier doing as he was told.

It took him ten whole minutes to realise that he had incorrectly saddled Nightshade, her saddle was facing backwards and her bridle unstrapped. He was not paying any attention at all to what he was doing. Seeing his struggle, Oscar came over and began tacking Dare's horse for him. Dare was grateful, but said nothing. He didn't trust himself to speak at the moment.

His eyes fell on the sword that hung in its sheath off Oscar's belt, and that coil of rage rose in him again. The sword that ended his brother's life would have been identical to the one that was now in the hands of his best friend. Oscar caught him glaring intently at the sword, and looked at him apologetically. He stepped back from Nightshade, whose saddle was now facing the right way, and walked back to his own horse.

The Rule of Equilibrium states that a Swordsman cannot defeat a Shielder, nor can a Shielder defeat a Swordsman, and this holds true. If the two were simply to engage in combat, they would be battling for eternity, or until one simply dropped of exhaustion. Which means that a one-on-one battle would be dependent upon endurance.