WHERE ARE YOU CHARLIE?

BEFORE II

"What are you doing here?" A deep voice asked.

I ignored it knowing that Charlie would be there soon.

"When the big hand gets on the five", he said, pointing at the clock, before leaving me to "run an errand".

"Are you lost?" The voice asks again.

I jumped when a hand grasped my shoulder from behind.

"If somebody comes to talk to you, just ignore them", he always repeated. "And if somebody ever touches you, get the hell away from them just like I taught you."

"Step one, try to free yourself inconspicuously." I recited in my head.

I tried to shake his hand away but he didn't budge.

"If they don't let go," I went on inwardly, "You ask them politely."

"I'm waiting for someone, Sir, and I would be forever grateful if you let go of me..." I batted my eyelashes at him the way Charlie had taught me, and when he didn't react, I added, "Please, pretty please?"

I started panicking when his brown eyes darkened mischievously. He looked around us to make sure that nobody was nearby before squatting in front of me, his eyes now full of a malicious glow.

I shuddered when he slowly licked his dry lips.

I took a deep breath to calm my pounding heart down.

"Step three, find a way to hit them between their legs.  No matter what you use, make sure to put as much strength as you can in the blow, and once you're done, run as quickly as you can and scream for help..."

I quickly assessed our position and thought that the best way to hit my target was to use my right foot.

I had to be quick and surprise him however, because even though the man was the skinny, nervous type, he would undoubtedly outweigh me within seconds.

I sent a quick glance at the clock and saw that the hand was almost on the five so, hoping to startle him, I suddenly shouted, "He's never late so you'd better let go!" His eyes widened when my foot hit its target, and he immediately let go of my shoulders to cradle the painful area between his legs.

Finally free, I ran away at once, screaming, "Help!"

It was the first time I had this type of encounters while waiting for Charlie. And I waited for him on a daily basis, on the way to and from school, or at weekends. Charlie always had errands to run for Jim.

Jim was a scary man.

It wasn't his greasy long blond hair, his piercing blue eyes, or his hollow cheeks that scared me. Nor was it his hissing voice that made him sound like a snake.

Nope.

What made me feel that way was that Charlie was frightened by the man.

Not that he told me so but I could feel it. The way he stiffened whenever the lanky man was home, his hands suddenly clammy from the nerves, or how he would tiptoe around him, ensuring the man had everything he needed without having to ask.

I knew what he was doing. I knew he wanted to make sure the thirty year old man didn't get angry.

And I kind of understood why.

Don't tell Charlie I called him that way, but our father had trouble controlling his temper, and anybody getting on his bad side could fear for their life.

Literally.

I was four, I think, the first time I witnessed that first hand. I'm not sure what the poor man had or hadn't done but his tearful pleas didn't affect Jim in the slightest as he lifted his gun and shot no less than three bullets in the man's forehead.

I threw up when a big chunk of his head flew behind him.

"Imagine it's not real." Charlie had whispered. "Imagine you're watching a cartoon..."

A cartoon...

"Zoe?" I snapped back to the present and realized where I was.

Charlie was looking at me with a mixture of anger and concern.

I'd unconsciously stepped in on one of his errands, which was strictly forbidden.

I wordlessly walked to the dumpster I'd just seen at the end of the dark alley Charlie had shown me when we'd got into the seaside town, and sat down behind it with my ears blocked and my eyes closed.

It wasn't long before I was pulled upright by my brother's strong arm.

I clenched my jaw in anticipation of the punishment that I knew would happen, but kept my eyes wide open knowing what Charlie would say if I didn't.

"This is no fucking cartoon, Zoe! We both could have been killed because of your carelessness!"

Once he was done, my cheeks stung a lot but I wouldn't cry because tears were for sissies and in our family, sissies always died.

His rough hand grabbed mine and we silently walked out of the alley, onto a desert street which led us to the seafront.

One look at the sea in front of me and everything was forgotten.

"Last one in the water is on cooking duty for two weeks." He shouted after throwing his back pack on the burning sand, his tee-shirt already above his head.

I was the one responsible for all the chores around the house, cooking included, so I wasn't too worried about losing, but the moments when Charlie loosened up were so rare that I made sure to enjoy every single second of them.

So I quickly took off my navy blue dress and the white cowboy boots the lady at the thrift shop let me have for a few dollars a couple of weeks before, and wearing nothing but my cherry covered panties, I ran excitedly after him.

My teeth started chattering as soon as I dived into the frozen water but I didn't care.

"You're far too slow Cherry Pants." He teased before sliding his hands under my armpits and throwing my small body high into the air.

I let out a loud shriek before landing painfully on my back.

When I resurfaced coughing water, Charlie was laughing so hard that he had to clutch his stomach.

I loved nothing more than to see my beloved brother laugh, because whenever he did, his pale blue eyes which normally looked so cold, sparkled like the snowy bubbles we hung on our tiny plastic Christmas tree every year, and cute dimples appeared on his otherwise angular cheeks.

"What are you staring at Cherry Pants?" He asked before throwing me back in the air effortlessly.

He wasn't laughing when I next resurfaced.

"Let's get out." Serious Charlie was back. He started swimming towards the beach. I tried to follow but my legs were numb.

"Charlie." I called in a small voice.

He immediately turned around and when he saw that I couldn't move, he hurried to me, slid my body on his back with my tiny arms around his neck, and carried me easily to the beach.

He wrapped me into the towel he had brought in his bag and rubbed my sides and my back until my teeth stopped chattering and I could move again.

"Dress." He demanded after slapping the back of my head angrily.

I quickly put my dress above my wet panties and slid my sandy feet in the boots. I knew I would probably get blisters but Charlie was already heading to the bus station so I had to hurry.

I ran to catch up with him and as soon as he felt me next to him he grabbed my hand.

The bus was packed so he sat me on his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around me.

He kissed the top of my head absent-mindedly. I loved when he did that. It instantly erased all the shouting and the blows.

He would never say so but my brother loved me.