New Jersey Boys

"It's gonna be okay. I promise." -Alejandro

⚠️This is a trigger warning. This chapter will touch on the subject of depression, suicidal thoughts, mentions of self harm, and eating disorders.⚠️

AlvaroXAlejandro

Alejandro' POV:

Lately Alvaro hasn't been acting like himself. He never smiles anymore, he's been a lot more angry, he gets upset and frustrated with little things, he hasn't really left his room besides to go to school, he's been trying to push us all away, he never eats anything, and he doesn't find joy in the things he used to love doing, like soccer, making TikToks, and hanging out with me and the boys.

Everyone is really worried about him but none of us really know what to do. He won't open us to any of us. Whenever we bring it up he just walks away or shuts us out with music. I'm tired of it though, which is why I'm on my way to his house right now.

I knock on his front door and his mom answers. "Hi Mrs. Romero. Is Alvaro home?" I ask. "Yea. He's upstairs in his room, but he hasn't been feeling well. Maybe you can cheer him up." She says with a sad smile. I nod and walk up to his room.

I knock on his door. "Go away." I hear a voice say. "Bubs? It's me. Can I come in?" I ask. "I don't care who it is. Go away. I'm not in the mood." He says. Well fuck you too bitch.

I open his door anyways.

"I said go away!" He slightly yells. I ignore him and walk in, closing the door behind me.

I walk over to his bed and climb in next to him. I turn him around so he's facing me.

I almost broke down at the sight in front of me.

He had tear stained cheeks, his hair a mess, his eyes puffy and bloodshot. He looked awful.

I pull him into a hug, him immediately breaking down, crying into my chest, my hoodie immediately becoming soaked.

"Hey. Bubs. It's gonna be okay. I'm here for you. I love you. Please don't cry. I hate seeing you cry. I don't know what's going on with you but let me help. Please talk to me. And don't lie and say you're okay because you clearly aren't. What's wrong bubs?" I softly ask. He just sobs even more. I rub his back, trying to get him to calm down.

Once he's finally calmed down, I pull away and look at him. "What's wrong, bubs?" I ask. "Nothing. I'm fine." He says. "Alvaro. I'm not a dumbass. I know you're not fine. Everyone is worried about you. Please just tell me what's wrong." I say.

He just turns his back on me.

"No. You're not doing this anymore. You're not gonna push me away. I'm not letting you. Tell me what's wrong." I say, turning him back around.

"I said it's nothing Alejandro!" He yells. "Why are you acting like this Alvaro? I don't like this side of you. Tell me what's wrong so I can help. I wanna help you. You're my best friend." I say.

"It's not that simple Ale. You can't just help me. I can't even help myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have no energy to do anything. Going to school is a struggle everyday. I can't even smile anymore because I have no energy to. I don't have any motivation to do anything. I can't eat anything without throwing it up. Most of the time I don't even wanna be here. My arms are covered in cuts. My hands are bruised from punching my wall all the time because I get angry for no fucking reason. I can't even talk to my family about it because everyone always wants a reason for why I feel this way but there isn't one. I feel like I'm a burden for everyone and that no one actually cares. That's why I've been pushing you guys away. I don't know what's wrong with me Ale. I wanna know. I don't wanna feel like this anymore. Being fucking numb would be better than feeling this way. Why can't I figure out what's wrong with me Ale? Why can't I be normal? Why is this happening to me? Why?" Alvaro rants out. By the end me and him are both sobbing.

I pull him onto me, hugging him as tight as I can, but not too tight because of how fragile he is right now. "Bubs. It's okay to not be okay, but please come talk to me instead. You don't ever need a reason to be sad. If your sad, come to me. Don't hurt yourself. Don't punch the wall. Don't starve yourself. Bubba. I love you and I'm never leaving. You're not a fucking burden on anyone. And nothing is wrong with you. If I'm being honest with you bubs, I think you might be depressed. And that doesn't make you any different from anyone else. I'm gonna be with you every step of the way through this." I whisper to him, while rubbing his back. He starts to calm down.

"How long have you been feeling like this bubs?" I ask. "Seventh grade." He whispers. "Oh bubba. Why didn't you say anything?" I ask. "Because truthfully I knew I was falling into a depression but I didn't want to accept it. So I started to pretend to be okay and it worked and then all of a sudden I couldn't pretend anymore. I think I need help bubba." He says. "And that's okay bubs. It makes you no different. And I know this might be hard for you, but can I see your arms?" I ask, already afraid of what I'll see. All he does is lift his sleeves.

He wasn't lying. Both arms were covered in new and old cuts. He then proceeded to get up and pull down his sweatpants a little. I was confused until I saw cuts on his thighs. "I did it on my thighs during soccer season so no one could see." He whispers, sounding disappointed in himself. "Come here." I say, opening my arms. He hugs me tightly.

"It's gonna be okay. I promise." I say, kissing the top of his head. "Okay." He says, sounding convinced. Now just to convince myself of it.

WC: 1056

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A/N
Okay. So this one wasn't a request but more so a way for me to express how I've been feeling. So in other words this oneshot was basically based on the mess I call my life😗✌️. This was kinda just a way for me to vent since I have no one anymore because all my friends dipped on me and I can't talk to my family about it because they don't understand. Also if you're going through anything right now, feel free to DM me or rant in the comments, it helps. Trust me. I honestly cried a lot while writing this but I mean it's whatever. Also I started writing this at like 12:30 am so sorry if it's shit. I'll get back to doing requests soon.

~til next time,
                        Bree Lyn