New Jersey Boys

rant time🥵😗✌️

hi. this is just your friendly trigger warning cause i don't wanna cause any bad tings for you⚠️

lmao. hiii. this is a quick little rant because idk who else to talk to anymore. so i'm simpin over this guy but the problem is he's my best friend. but then the other night me and him were texting for like an hour and a half and i finally told him all this stuff i haven't told him because i haven't talked to him since february but i told him about how i was sexually assaulted by one of my own "friends" and he was like lowkey really pissed off at the guy and my parents because he's protective😗✌️but then i told him about how i started smoking and he was not happy with me at all and so yea that happened. but then i told him how i started cutting again and this was his response

but like the thing is is i don't wanna catch feelings for him again because i've lowkey liked him since i was in 7th grade so like over 3 years and i keep thinking i'm over him but then i start talking to him again and i fall for him all over again. also i really wanted to come out to him but i feel like he deserves to find out in person. like i don't wanna do it through text to him because he's been the only person there for me since middle school and like he hasn't dropped me so yea. and also i started talking to him about how guys ain't shit and they always hurt me, except for him, and he was like "yea we're stupid, but if you don't look for someone and you give up then you'll never find them" and i was like bitch i don't want someone else i want youuuuuu.

but anyways the real reason i wanted to rant is because it's been another one of those nights. i was crying on and off for like an hour and finally it just got to the point where i was numb.

but like that's the reason i started crying in the first place and then i just continued to cry and now idk what i feel but like i almost went for my blade but i didn't which i feel good about but at the same time it makes me sad that i would even want to go for it.

anyways i also really wanna smoke but i know that my parents and my bestfriend are gonna be disappointed but at the same time my cousin is lowkey encouraging me so like idk what to do😗✌️i miss being high at school all the time. speaking of school i'm about to be failing like 3 of my classes because online school is just too hard for me to focus on.

also my eating patterns or schedule or whatever you wanna call it is basically non existent. i only eat like once a day and even at that i barely eat anything. like all i ate today was half a quesadilla and a small bag of cookies. i never eat breakfast anymore and only eat like a little bit of food around like 5ish and then i really don't eat anything else. idk what's wrong with me. it's like i'm never hungry and when i am hungry i fill up really quickly.

lastly my sleep schedule. this shit is non existent. like i stay up until 2-4 in the morning and then don't wake up until almost noon or later. like i've literally almost missed meetings with my therapist because of it.

oh and one last thing my tiktok. so like this is a really stupid thing to be sad about but my tiktoks have not been doing good. like at the beginning of the year all my tiktok had at least 100 likes and now it's rare for me to even get 10 likes. and like my followers have been 📉. like it lowkey makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong but i'm trying my best and i'm putting a lot of effort into videos just for them to flop.

okay so i know that was kinda all over the place but i really needed to rant. if you read all the way through then i love you. for now biii.

- Bree Lyn