He Found Me. (Complete)

PART 2

HOOR POV:

My hands were shaking while I was packing my clothes. A sudden feeling of excitement and anxiety run down my spine making me stop myself from everything and just stand there and stare at the invisible spot. The thought of being rejected by everyone made my heart skip a beat.

My mother told me that there was a wedding in Pakistan and all of us must go there. It was strictly ordered from her. I looked down at the bags while wondering if I could come up with an excuse at the last moment but later throw that thought out. My mother would kill me if she even get to know what I was thinking.

I was only 10 years old when we moved to Canada and then to California because of my dad's business issues. And because of our shifting and my phone broken reason made me lose all contact with my cousins. But the truth was, after that, I never really tried to reach out to anyone. But besides me, my brother and my mother were in touch with them.

My mom had gone to Pakistan three to four times and each time requested me to go with her. And each time I rejected her offer. The fact that I know... I know that I can't face them, not anymore, I can't be me anymore infront of them without bursting out crying that I don't... I don't deserve to be with them or anyone. I don't deserve to be in the same room as them.

I know my parents were trying to help me but the fact that I knew I had lost myself years ago. Their help won't work... I had no hope left in me and I also know I will be devasted when I will be facing my family but I guess I didn't have the hold of time, this time.

We had to stay there for a month and a whole month was a long period, isn't it? I will be seeing each member of my family after sixteen years. A sad smile formed on my lips when I realized that I missed them I missed all the chances to see them. My brother told me how they always asked about me, how my all cousins are. And for once in my life I regret my decision for not going back to Pakistan

I zip my all things and sit on my bed and released a tired sigh. I wanted to see my family. How they are, what they are doing in their lives, I wanted to know everything, everything, especially about him. I wanted to know what did he look like.

Was it bad to desire being held by someone you know you can now never have? A tear slipped from my eyes into my open palms and I stared at it. My lips wiggle when negative thoughts sufficed my mind making me hold back a choke.

They will never, ever accept me. He will never accept me. He will not. Why would he want a girl like me? A girl who had lost everything. A girl who had no hope to live her life. A girl who was broken. Why would he stay with...with someone like me?

Deep down I had this tiny longing, a light that I couldn't kill no matter what I do. A yearning to be held by him, a yearning for him to take every pain from me and just hold me tight and never let me go. For him to come and tell me that 'Princess I am here, no need to be afraid.' It was just a tiny desire that I always wanted to crush but that desire... That stupid desire was not ending.

It was not understanding that he was not going to come for me, not now not ever. He will leave the moment he will know. So fantasizing about something that was never gonna happen... Was stupid.

My chest tightened at the thoughts and I take a deep breath and looked at the ceiling and blink my eyes to control myself.

I nodded to myself when I know I was fine and fully ready to show my face to my parents. I placed a smile on my face and walked downstairs into the kitchen only to see my elder brother who was sitting there eating his food. 

"Azlan Bhai( brother) where are ami and Baba?."

I asked while grabbing an apple.

"They went out to buy something." He said while fully busy with his food and phone while I nod to myself.