Buffy the Grandpa slayer.

Chapter 5. Crusty Nipple Sauce

I walk to the entrance of the vamp camp, hehe that rhymes.. Anyway.. I take a deep breath. Them almost immediately i regret that decision. That security guards fart is the gift that will not stop giving. I start gagging. I hold my breath, and charge into the door..what a sight for my young pretty eyes, vamps aplenty, old stinky bodies that honked of death n tuna, not nice!!
One of the ugluest vampires spots me, of course, a young girl like me draws attention. My long blonde hair and big eyes and peachy skin draws the dead ones to me like bees round a honeypot, or flies to poop. A great big curly dog turd surrounded.... No, going off track here Buff... Angel used to be good at grounding me when I thought too much. Wonder where he is now, he was a cutie patooty, and boy did we get fruity patooty, and he woukd spank my padoody... Ok.. Again going off topic. These vamps look hungry, and whatever they were devouring has been dead a loooong time... Its mushy, like.. Baked beans and chunks of dirt, dirt as brown as Gordon Ramseys Beefy Wellington thats been burned by a really bad chef who woukd have been vited iff if Ramseys Kitchen Nightmares by the second episode or something... Yeah... THAT brown!!!
Grim.
They stare at me, slippery yellowed teeth as sharp as a Tiger, dripping with saliver, wanting their blood. Not today mr AND mrs Vampys... Not today for THIS hot sex kitten!!!
I roundhouse kick the nearest ugliest one and his wet teeth graze my silky ankle... No blood, but man I was madddd. I growled and propelled myself onto the table, spinning around faster than a contestant kicked out of Ramseys Kitchen Nightmares for burning the Beef wellington, i karate chopped all the fugly Vampys, teeth and spit covering the walks!
Man I even impressed myself
I cartwheeled off the table, my hair whipping round so fast I took out three vampys eyes that I landed on and squished, their oobly goo pkipping on the carpet. Blind as a Vampire Bat I giggled... Hahaha!!!
A Vamp tried to grab me, rubbing its dirty hairy hands all over me, i head butted, all I could smell was its nasty stinky cardigan that stunk of death and burnt things, burnth things like beef wellington burnt by a contestant on Ramseys Kitchen Nightmares...then kicked off by the third episode!!!
There were still so many though, moaning and groaning... Like a contestant who has just been kicked off Ramseys Kitchen Nightmares for burning the Beef Wellingtons but it wasnt just them it was also another contestant who didnt own up... THAT kind of moaning.....
"More killy killy Buff" i thought as I karate chopped half a lady vamps left boob off. With a plip it landed on my new kitten heels... What a drag!!!!! I do a triple flip amd
run into the door and knock myself out............oh Lordy!!!

                         ~~~¡3 hours later! ~~~

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WHY DID I COME TO WORK TODAY!!
Well its another absolutely God Awful day at Stormydale retirement home for the Elderly, and today is the day Im going to God Damb Quit!!!
11 dead old people today. ELEVEN.
And guess who has to ring their families and tell them.
Me.
But one things for damned sure, we cant keep her here any more. She doesn't need a goddamned retirement hime, she needs padded walls man, big ass padded walls and one them jacket things where she cant move her goddamned arms.
They won't arrest her...nope. Just a slaop on the wrist and a comfy bed, while us all herevhave to pick up the pieces.
"Play a long !!" they told us... "Shes harmless... She pretends stuff... Cant hurt the crazy old dame. Shes on so many meds she can barely break wind let alone anything else hahaha!"
Well... They was wrong 'bout that. Doc said the pills she was on gave her adrenaline rushes that meant even when she flung herself off that table into those elderly folk she woulda felt nothin!!! No pain... Just so many dead folk....

Finally, we got her strapped up and ready to move on. She aint gonna like it... But thats tough.

Me and some of the other Nurses carry her  to her room, where another doctor is waiting. I gently place her in the chair,  but as soon as she can, she lifts one cheek from the seat and swear to Hell lets out a huge  fart, I think she might have pooped herself... Sighing, gagging a little, we strap her arms and legs to the side of  the chair. 
"Where... Is Dawn?"
She flutters her bulbous dead eyes at the Doctor.
He smiles gently at her.
"Now.. Dont you remember what we spoke about last time eh??"
She grunts and a dribble of poop plips onto the black and white tiled floor. I cough... Yep.. DEFINITELY going to quit!!
"you know dont you dear." the Doctor leans closer to her, she turns her head, her froggy eye's burning into his.
"Know What Doc?? What Is This?? Has Faith done this to me, she swapoed our bidies before you know... Now WHERE IS DAW....."
"You do know... Fight this... You KNOW who you are!"
She starts to shake her head. "no... NO!"
"YES..... who are you..."
She starts to shake her head again
"Who are you..." repeats the Doctor... "what is your name?!"
And as the last pieve of sanity breaks in her eyes... "Buffy..." she whispers.. "Buffy Summers..."
The Doctor shakes her shoulders..."say... Your... Name!"
"No no no no no!"
Yes... You know it.. We know it, those dead old people with plipped out eyeballs knew it... Only one old stinky biddy crazy enough to hurt so many people and then POOP on my dambed FLOOR! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE... YOURE THAT GODDAMNED CRAZY MOTHERFRICKING NO GOOD CAROLE BASKIN!!!!".