SINCE COOK GOT LOCKED UP, I've been feeling different, I've had a weird feeling that I never felt before, and I couldn't shake it. Freddie and Effy spent a lot of time at my house, looking after me almost. I've just been maintaining a constant high trying to avoid dealing with life. Freddie walked into my room, looking around, noticing the handful of pills I had spread out on my dresser. "You alright?" He questioned me, walking towards the bed, I leaned myself up, shrugging my shoulders in a quick response. "What's the matter?" He knelt by my bed, "Come on, you can tell me," I looked away from him, staring at the wall, staying quiet, "I have to go- gonna get a bollocking about my attendance or something," He mentioned to me. He has been skipping out on college to keep tabs on me lately, so it was probably necessary for him to get a lecture.
That was when Effy walked into the room, "Coming down yet, sweets?" She questioned me, knowing that I got higher than usual last night.
"Oh, no, I'm still up... Way up. I don't want to come down, can't come down," I said to her, slowly, leaning my head back, looking up at the ceiling.
Freddie looked towards Effy, "I can't miss disciplinary," He mentioned as he stood up, "My dad'll flip," He looked back down at me as I looked forward at him, "Don't do anything stupid, please," He seemed to plead with me before he turned around to leave, Effy following him out of the room as well. I was alone, finally.
I pushed myself off the bed, wandering around my mess of a room. It was like I could gradually feel myself growing more and more mental as time went on. I had a good idea to as why, I mean, my mum dealt with every mental illness under the sun it seemed... But, it could also be the drugs. I was bound to end up with something. It didn't matter what drugs I took, nothing was ever going to make me feel better. I was just letting myself lose my mind, not doing a thing about it, just like my mum did for years and years.
I run Cook's phone every day since he got locked up, leaving messages. It really was a sappy romance movie. I fell back onto my bed, my phone pressed to my ear, "Babe," I said when I got the message beep, "Missing you extra today. Get the hell out of there," I hung up, tossing my phone to the floor, sighing. Then I lost it, I pushed myself off my bed again, letting out a scream as I started to cry. I threw everything in my reach around my room, "Fuck it, fuck it all," I shouted into my empty house, "Fuck you, mum!" I shouted even louder, as if she was going to hear it some how, "Why'd you leave me like this?" My voice started to tremble, "You just fucking left me," I stumbled backward, sitting on my bed, sitting there, letting out a shaky breath. I leaned backward, my back hitting the bed.
I just passed out from exhaustion at that point, a couple hours passed, I heard the front door open and footsteps coming up the stairs as I finally woke up. I sat up, tiredly rubbing my eyes, waiting for him to walk into the bedroom. "Harper?" He called out as he neared the door, "You home?" He pushed the door open, his eyes widening at the mess I had caused, "What is all of this?" He looked around the room, furrowing a brow with a concerned look.
"A mess, that's all," I replied with a shrug.
"Harper."
"Making a mess of things just makes everything easier," My voice was noticeably strained from the screaming I had done earlier.
"What the fuck are you on?" Freddie sat down next to me, his hand resting on my lower back, "You're making zero sense."
"I mean, it's easier to accept the end this way, yeah? I mean, look, Cook's gone... Why would I- is there a point anymore?" Freddie was pretty much speechless as he listened to me. I could feel myself finally 100% coming down from my high, my eyes grew heavy again, Freddie helped me lay down, laying himself next to me as well, he ran his hand against my hair as I started to fall asleep, trying to comfort me as I fell asleep. I think he was scared about what was happening to me, he wasn't sure how to process it.
