TEARS

FEELINGS

I dont draw dreams. I draw nightmares.

I know i am not perfect but why do people expect me to be. Am i naturally supposed to be perfect. I believe everyone is imperfect in their own way.

Cant people see that they hurt you when they hold you to perfection. No one can reach perfection. I am held to that standard all the fucking time. Im sick of it.

Why cant i be my own person. Doing my own thing without expectin someone to say you arent good enough at it.

When i was a kid i loved to have fun with sports. It was ruined as my parents expected me to be better than everyone else and to learn and do it better than everyone. They ruin the sport as it is just about winning to them.

My mom graduated high school at a young age and expects me to be like her. Well tough luck i am not. I dont want to be you. I want to be my own person.

What is it with parents friends and teachers expecting so much of you. I cant solve everyones problem and i should learn i shouldnt have to. I need to worry about myswlf yet i never do.

Im always listening to what my parnts say and tell me. I obey as an obedient dog would and should. It is expected for you to do it. Last i checked i wasnt a dog. Its time i learned to be my own person.

I was so far up my parents ass i didnt realize what was going on around me. My family fallimg apart. FIGHTING AND FIGHTING AND SCREAMING AND YELLING. i was so ignorant i never even noticed.

I pulled away from my twin. The person i was the closest with. Our bond no longer there as we bicker and fight. I pretend to be happy but inside im dying. Not literally.

Few of my friends know what is going on. I dont want them to be upset and worry about me. Should they worry i dont know. I think of cutting myself but refrain from it.

I used to cut. I wouldnt cut where it would leave a mark or i would make it look like i just scratched myself. Only a few of my friends know of this. My parents and therapist dont know of my cutting.

Im writing this not for your pity cause i dont need it. I just needed a place to vent. This was a good option. I dont care if you feel sorry for me. I have a therapist and she is great but i dont always feel okay with talking to her.

My mother ignores me for no reason. Out of no where she stops speaking to me unless it is unavoidable. She spoke to me again and i felt joy but it was soon crushed.

She stopped talking to me and didnt care i had injured myself in gymnastics. I realized it was just a facade around people to act as if we are the happy family she likes to believe we are.

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Well that is my feelings. If you think im faking this i will not care. I dont need you to believe me. I dont care for your begative opinions.