Runaway Solute

room

"I've been working on this whenever you're gone. I use it as a place to cope whenever I'm in panic. I don't know really know why exactly though." I paused for a second. "I hope it's okay... I'll take it down if you want me to."

"No, no. You don't have to. If it helps. I'm just... surprised and confused of how I've never found this." He assured. He thought for a second. "So you like, masturbate in here too?"

"No! It's not like that!" I gasped.

"Okay, okay. It was just a joke." He chuckled. "But do you want to talk? People were worried when you just ran like that. I told then that you just don't like big crowds."

"Not really. I think I just need a minute moment alone. You can go back there if you want though." I responded.

"No. I'm not going without you. Besides, what am I gonna say? My boyfriends locked in a closet. But he's fine." He joked. I just shrugged. "Well I'll be downstairs if you need me."

With that, he closed the door again. My phone started to ring. Fuck. It was my mom.

"Hello." I answered the phone.

"Honey, why does your voice sound so shakey? What happened?" She asked. "Do you need me to come over? Did Alex do something?" She began to panic.

"No mom. Alex didn't do anything, and you don't need to come over." I paused for a second. "I just- We got invited to a barbecue, and by my choice we went. And people started to swarm around us and made me really anxious and nervous. So I ran back home. And I'm still calming down a little."

"You're gonna have to get use to big crowds Oliver. You can't keep living like this." She reminded. "Are you taking your medicine?"

"Mom, stop worrying so much about me. I'm fine. I promise." I assured.

"Oliver. I'll never stop worrying about you. You're my baby boy, and only 18." She paused for a moment. "And I mean this is the nicest way possible. But because you're gay, makes me worry about you a whole lot more. We both know a lot of people are against you."

I couldn't listen anymore. So I just hung up. I got up and walked to the bathroom and got out the bottle of Antidepressants. I got a handful and was about to take it when Alex walked in.

"Oliver!" He gasped.

He grabbed them out of my hands and they went everywhere. Tears streamed down my face as he grabbed onto my shoulders.

"What is wrong with you!? You just tried to take 14 Antidepressants! That can kill you!" He freaked. "Why would you try to do that to yourself!?"

"Because I don't want to live anymore. I wasn't made for this life. I wasn't made to live long." I cried. "Whenever I feel like I'm doing something right. I'm not. I ruin everything."

"Don't say that about yourself. You make so many things better. Without you I wouldn't be where I am. You make me overjoyed whenever you're around." He assured.

After many more tears we went to bed. But even after all that my mind didn't change.

The next morning I slept late purposely. I wasn't going to school. I wasn't going anywhere. Alex was already at work. So I was alone. All. Alone. I made sure the dogs were taken care of before I went downstairs.

I wrote a note and set it on the floor. I tied the knot and and it up. I stood on the stool and put it around my neck. I took a knife and ran the blade up my 6 arm. I then kicked the stool.