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RA 14: The Talk

Today has been good to me.

I spent the whole day being unnecessarily mean to every single person that crossed my path - school faculty included.

I bumped into people's shoulders, shoved people's books to the ground, given wet willies, and was unapologetic through it all.

I only say that the day has been good for me because I didn't get in trouble once. It's not like no one was around to tell teachers and stuff, it's just that 'teachers and stuff' don't get paid enough to care.

I made a major change in one day and I didn't submit to my feelings one bit.

I'm sure that when the week is over and all my hormones are back in check, I'll feel remorse for those who fell victim to my atrocities, but right now I am basking in my strength.

Not even two hours passed before lunch came.

I walked into the room packed full of children and food, grabbed a plate with the most junk on it and I scavenged for a table to sit at.

I walked through the aisle between tables and looked far and wide for a place to sit.

Every single table I looked in the direction of, someone I had messed with that day was quick to tell me off, even the people that were usually fine with me sitting with them.

Every single table that I was rejected from I grew more and more frustrated.

When I was near the back of the room I asked a girl that was sitting across from her friend if I could sit with her.

I felt stupid for asking.

"May I sit here?" I leaned over the slightest bit to catch her attention and hopefully deter her from rejecting me.

"Hell no," was the only thing she said. She didn't even waste the time to look into my direction before moving her purse onto the remaining empty seat at the table.

I straightened my back and was ready to continue walking until I heard a big BANG!

My eyes shifted slightly to my right to see a bunch of kids crowding a foldable table bench that they put down just to sit around.

When the kids sat down simultaneously I noticed that those were all the kids I was trying to get in good graces with from afar.

They all looked giddy and smiled and cracked jokes while inhaling food.

They were just fine without me.

Now that I think about it, I don't think I would have made very good friends with them anyway.

Aside from the comment made this morning when I tripped that girl, Walt hasn't thought twice about me and my meanness and neither have his friends.

I was just trying to do what my mother wanted me to do and get over my "introverted garbage" as she put it and I actually liked the idea of being around people like Henry and Raina and Walt for the rest of the school year, but I guess it's only something that's good in my head. I still couldn't help but wonder what I'd be like to sit with them, at least once.

I realized that I was staring at them too long and that I was hungry and still had nowhere to sit and decided I should just eat in the hallway.

Right before I was about to turn back around though, I heard a call to my left.

"Hey!"

I looked in that general direction but still couldn't place who the voice belonged to. A hand suddenly made itself known as a girl waved her hand in a crowd full of people.