Given Black Roses

17

I ran to the toilet to throw up, I can't stop crying in the process. I deserved that, I don't want these babies it's not their fault. I wipe my mouth when finished, brush my teeth and ran the bath water. Even though I already showered I just want to lay in the tub soak my body. I look at my wrist and the lines are still there, it's been a while since I have cut myself. I just want to end it but Joe will kill me before that happens. Funny how that is right. I get out the tub and looked for something easy to put on. Minutes later Joe knocks on the door then peak his head in, "Hey, I'm going to show you the house."

I know he isn't taking nonfor an answer so I just get up slide on my slippers and followed him. He shows me each room in the house which is incredibly big, his movie theater, bowling alley, and in-home gym. Last but not least the backyard which I see from my room. "This is ours, I'm going to have baby proof everything I don't know how imma do that but it's gonna be fun."

"I need my phone back." I said ignoring his excitement.

He reach in his pocket pulls it out and hands it to me. "Am I allowed to go back to my room now or is it more you want to show me?"

He huffs, he takes my hand and pulls me to chair and we sat down. "I know this must be hard for you pregnant and all. All these new changes, adjustments but we can make this a good thing. Truth is, if it was anyone else I have gotten pregnant I would have made them get an abortion-then again I wouldn't haven't went in raw so. You're special to me, you're different than any other woman I have ever known. I wish things was different know. Can we start over? I would like to redeem myself."

"I can't promise you anything but I can try- try." I finally say I don't know what to say.

"Sorry for putting my hands on you, when I saw you hit your stomach I lost it. I don't want to stress you out anymore than I already have. We have a lot to do with this wedding, don't worry I'll handle everything. I know planning a wedding can be very stressful so I'll do most of it. You just need to go dress shopping with friends- your bridesmaids."

"I don't really have any friends, not close friends Joe. Stephanie but we aren't as close anymore and she doesn't know you're the father. I feel if I asked her to be bridesmaid she would invite her parents and I don't want to deal with that. Least it makes the guest list easy." I laugh it off like I wasn't embarrassed and ashamed.

Whether this is the marriage I want there's no one that would be there for me, my side would be basically empty minus a few friends. Imagine being that alone. I wanted to get married to someone who loved me and who I loved. Losing my virginity and getting pregnant the way I did gives me great shame. I feel like a worthless people of shit.  No one loves me, absolutely no one. Joe wants to get married because I'm having his children conceived through rape. That's not love that's guilt.

"My parents are coming for dinner. I have been telling them about you, way before the Mexico trip." He confesses

Taken back a little he's been talking about me with his parents? Do México was planned? He planned to rape me? What? "What? So you doing this to me was preplanned?" I got up. All my emotions were storming through. "You did this to me on purpose?"

"No, no. That was a mistake. I planned on taking you out and getting to know you. I told my parents a little fun, told them I was seeing someone, you and it was going to hey serious. Then Mexico happened." He gets up defending himself.

I back up at a loss of words. "What am I supposed to say? They gonna ask questions and now I have to lie!  We didn't fall in love? We never dated! She's gonna ask if I love you! I hate you! God Joe!" I cried running back inside.

I need to eat. I search the refrigerator for something I can quickly make. He comes back inside, "We can say we met through the job, you were my assistant and you turned me down after several advances. I took you out to dinner as a appreciation for your hard work That is the truth. The lot would come in after the appreciation dinner you let me take you out on a date. That turned into a few dates and then Mexico we decided to make it serious. You have gotten pregnant."

"Fine. Whatever I'm just tired." I said eating some left over food. "Guess you're expecting me to cook huh, first impressions and all?"

"Yeah." He sits down, "oh that just reminds me. I'll be right back." He jumps up and runs upstairs.

The maid enters the kitchen, "Lucky woman. He is a different man now. I don't know what you did, but whatever it was you definitely have that man by the tip of your fingers." She says to me.

I highly doubt that, "I doubt that and I didn't do anything. Only reason why he's changing is because of these babies."

"I'm telling you Mija, you're different I saw the kind of women he's dated, on tv. Like I said he's never brought anyone to his house. That says a lot."

I don't pay her no mind. She doesn't even know the story. I'm not here because I want to be. I'm here because I am forced to be.

He comes back downstairs with a black box in his hand,  he takes my hand, "it's only right for you to be wearing this."

He puts the ring on my finger. Now if this is what I wanted- marriage- with him I would have been astounded but I don't. I don't care about this ring or how much it cost or how many carats and diamonds it has.

His parents came and I just finished up dinner 10 minutes before which gave me some time to get dressed. I had to fake it the whole night and give false answers to their questions. His mother and father complimented my food. "Sorry, I don't mean to end this short but I am very tired and I'm going to go to bed. Let ya talk about me when I leave. Nice to meet both of you."

Ahead  of time Joe did tell me because they are spending the night over we are going to have to sleep in the same bed. I was not happy about that. I take myself to his room and lie down. I was exhausted so as soon as my head hit that pillow I fell asleep.