Given Black Roses

19

The sun is sitting so good in my skin the babies are growing and Joe is still glued to my hip. He does cater to me which ain't much because I try to keep away from him as much as possible. He sits beside me by the pool.

There goes my good time, "What brings you outside?"

"I wanted to check on you, hang out with you to be honest."

"Oh, well your children are fine."

"I know they are, I want to make sure you're fine too." He rubs my belly. Oh I'm doing okay from that damn chokehold you had me in.

He pulls out a binder, "I met with a wedding planner and we came up with a few ideas. I still need you to pick a dress. Your belly is going to be a lot bigger which would be difficult to measure so we are going to get pregnant within the next 2 months."

"Fast. Okay. Why can't you just pick the dress and I'll just go down for a fitting when it's time? You're the one that wants this wedding so it just seems fitting for you to pick the dress."

"I want you to have something that is your own idea or something in this wedding."

"Well you already know how I feel. Just pick the dress."

"How about I go with you to the bridal shop and we can look through some dresses?"

It's annoying he is pressing this issue I don't want to marry him I don't want to be around him at all. I wish he would stop trying to get me to pick out a dress when I don't want to be picking out anything from this wedding. I don't even want to say I do. The more I think about it the more upset I get I wish I would gotten the abortion I wouldn't be going through this right now.

"Whatever you want Joe." I said blankly. This is all too much to deal with it. All I wanna do is cry but that's not going to change anything.

"My parents love you by the way. They think you're a keeper and my parents don't like anyone I ever introduced them to."

He's ruining my damn mood, I was doing fine before he decided to bring his out outside and he keeps talking. "I would like to meet your parents."

"Joe you know I don't have any parents, I don't have a family. So this wedding is going to be filled with only your family. I don't have any friends." I guess that's what made me an easy target no one caring about me not having anyone on this earth who loves me.

"Sorry I forgot about that. Well, I'm your family now. And we are creating our own little family." He kisses my hand.

Yeah by force I don't want these fucking babies and I don't want him but it ain't like I have a choice. I don't respond to him because I can't say what u want to say without getting hit. "Are we having a baby shower before or after the wedding?" I asks him curious.

"After the honeymoon."

"We're having a honeymoon?" Oh my god what's next? So he honestly think I want to spend alone time with him? I already have to be stuck here in the house with him now.

"Why wouldn't we? I want to take you to where I'm from show you where my family grew up and our culture." He looks at me happily. This is a different Joe that I see in his eyes. Despite him putting his hands on me he's pretty sweet. "Have you tried contacting your parents?"

"My mother, she practically slammed the door in my face after her family arrived home. My father, I don't think he recognize me. I haven't confronted him and I don't plan on it. He probably knows now though Stephanie probably told him."

"Has he reached out to you since? Or ever?" He was genuinely concerned.

"No. I used to be so jealous of Stephanie, still am. I saw how her parents loved her and treated her and I wanted that so bad. Now to find out we share the same father and he only loved her, how they live wishing I had that, I'm jealous. Don't want anything to really do with Stephanie like that." I was in my thoughts thinking about how I struggle for food, clothes and shelter.

"You really been through a lot haven't you?"

"You don't even One the half of it. Life goes on though." He rubs my hand. I can tell he feels bad.

"I vow that I will never hurt you again. I am not a perfect man but I want to be for you. Start over, clean slate?" He holds his pinky out, "pinky swear."

I giggle a little at his silliness, "Okay clean slate." I am stuck with this man so I have to make this tolerable.