SWEATER PAWS | CSCOOP X READER (completed)

june

saturday, june 27th, 2020. 5:56 pm.
cooper

same old, same old, (y/n).

it's june now, and i know how much you loved june. last months of school, people are busy and life is dynamic.

i guess i would've loved it this year, too.

don't ask about how i'm doing. i forgot what the sound of my own voice sounds like, and i guess that's good in a sense. i'm sure you would've loved to switch for my voice sometimes.

tears trickle as cooper chokes out a small laugh at the idea of annoying (y/n) with his constant jokes and teasing. he was such a vibrant kid in her presence that the idea of him ever springing up to be as he was before everything happened seemed impossible. he shook his head with a faint smile.

they don't really try anymore, and i'm kind of thankful. the discord group chats have gone quiet and so have the boys in real life. i'm sure they talk elsewhere without me. i guess that's better.

travis still slips a clif bar or two under my door sometimes.

but i'm doing fine. really.

cooper takes a look at his last sentence, and soon scratches out the word 'fine' harshly off the paper. he glances at the corner of his bedroom, where the shelf of weed and alcohol stood, noticing the lighter, which he used for things other than marijuana. he eyes his awfully frail and thin body in the reflection in his window, and shakes his head at the sight of the burn marks on his left arm.

but i'm holding on. really.

cooper cringed at the thought of lying to (y/n), but it had to be done; but whether it was to protect her or him - that, he didn't know.

maybe it's just better to die.

i feel dead already.

the weed has been really numbing, which is nice, but kind of stupid. i don't hallucinate that much, but at least i've learned to pretend to quite well.

i don't want to lie to you, or myself, but sometimes that's just better than the truth.

alcohol still sort of manages to fill the void. do i sound like i'm from a 2014 tumblr blog yet? the addiction really manages to accessorize everything else that's been going wrong.

maybe it's just better to die.