SWEATER PAWS | CSCOOP X READER (completed)

november

tuesday, november 27th, 2020. 5:32 am.
cooper

december was right around the corner, and cooper was not ready to face the new year. he's already made a list of useless resolutions which he knew he wouldn't follow through with, but nevertheless, he had the right ideas.

he knew he wanted to start again soon. to begin his life all over, entering the next year as a refined and living cooper, rather than the fragile, worn out one that he's built up over these few months.

it was nearly sunrise, and this time no pot or liquor occupying the area on the roof. simply a pen and a paper was all that was in his hands, as he was slouching over them, his arm gliding harshly across the concrete flatness of the top of the house.

i'm sorry.

cooper's hands shook.

i know i haven't written to you much lately, and i'm sorry.
this is the hardest thing i've ever done, and i'm glad i'm doing it.

thank you, (y/n), for sticking by with me. i would give everything i have in this life to be right next to you again, even for a split second, but that's not how life works. it's unfair, and that's okay.

i can't do this to you anymore, or to myself. i have to go, and i'm sorry.

it all went so wrong, but you helped me. you were what made me open my eyes and live again, and that's something i'll never forget, even though you didn't get the same in return. i don't know where i'd be right now if it weren't for you.

i will not deny that this hurts, immensely, mostly because there is still a part of me that's right there, next to you, but i need to heal.

i need to heal from you.

it's funny to think that we thought this would last forever, that we would last forever. oh, how naive it was for us to believe that this world that we created would never end, but at least we had hope, and that's the only thing that mattered.

what hurts the most right now isn't the fact that i can't call you and tell you about the convention invitation i just got, or the fact that i don't wake up each morning to the face of beauty itself still peacefully asleep right by my side. what hurts the most is that it ended so abruptly. that i didn't have a chance to tell you all of this in person, and that i have to live with that fact from now on. i need you to hear this from me, in my own voice, and although i can't do that right now, i have hope.

we'll meet again, i'm sure of it. you're the love of my life after all, and true love never dies.

you were my reason for living, and will remain to be so for all of eternity. because of you i opened my eyes and saw the world as i should have seen it from the start, even though it was through rose-colored glasses. i still saw the beauty of life, simply because of you.

now, i dont know what will happen tomorrow, or what to expect, but i have hope. at some point i will learn to live with memories, although unfortunately it will not be today, nor the day after.

you were my everything. you still are my everything, and i'm eternally grateful for having been able to spend some of my time under your wings.

we loved and will love for a lifetime, and a lifetime after that.

there were many ways to say goodbye, but ours was not to say it at all. maybe one day there will be a time and place for one, but is isn't now.

so, until then,
fly high, my angel.

- cooper.