𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐃

CHAPTER EIGHT

Eight

    The next day was quiet. As was the next. The weekend passed and Nora didn't hear so much as a whisper from Edison. It was disheartening to realize how quickly Nora had ruined such a good thing. She had taken it for granted in the moment and pushed too far. Letting herself stop thinking so much for a night had been utterly catastrophic and now she had to face the consequences. Kristen and Amarie must have realized that she was down in the dumps about something because here they were on a Sunday night cozied up watching horror movies because Amarie decided romance "wasn't the vibe."

    "Can we ask why you're sad?" Amarie asked after the first movie was over.

    "Nope."

    "What about if we guess?" Kristen suggested with a coy smile. Nora shook her head, but a smile was breaking through onto her face even as she attempted to remain serious.

    "You know what? Go for it."

    Kristen immediately was asking a million questions as per usual, changing the tune every time Nora shook her head, "Is it because of Mason? It's not? Damn, girl, you move on quickly. Is it another boy? Oh, good. Is it because Will isn't talking to us anymore? Aw, that one made me kinda sad, too. But, when your best friend's a cheater you don't really come back from that."

    "You're not gonna guess it," Nora sighed, bringing the blanket the three of them were sharing up to her neck. "This one is just weird. Not like me at all."

    "Nora," Amarie looked almost afraid as she spoke, "Did you do drugs?"

    With that question, Nora laughed boldly and loudly, entertained simply by the idea of the girl ever doing something like that. "No, no, no drugs. I, just, when and how did you guys start realizing you maybe possibly liked girls?"

    "Oh, easy," Amarie laughed, "Josh Heffer kissed me during a game of truth or dare in seventh grade. Since then, I knew it wasn't for me. That was quite the news to share with my abuela, oh gosh."

    Kristen giggled at her girlfriend, tousseling her dark curls before resting her arm around her shoulders. "It wasn't that easy for me because I, on the other hand, like boys. Well, except for Stephen Newport since he was obsessed with me. Um, actually it was Edison freshman year that helped me figure it out. I knew she was gay so I asked her what it felt like to have a crush on a girl. We had a thing on the down low for a few months, but I realized I had feelings for Amie and Edison already had one foot out the door when we did end up breaking up. Nora, do you... do you think you like girls?"

    Nora was too distracted by learning that Edison had something to do with her best friend's queer awakening. Ironic, how that works out. It wasn't until a minute of silence later, Nora had even realized the question her friend was asking. Befuddled, she stuttered out, "I... I'm not sure."

    Amarie immediately came to attention as both girls put their arms around Nora's shoulders. "It's okay to not know, it's always okay. Can I ask what made you think this? I mean, I know breakups are hard, but people don't usually question their sexuality after them."

    "Uh," Nora had no idea whether or not it was even fair to Edison to tell them what had gone down between the two. It was barely anything, yet it still felt private. Like a secret bound to the two of them and no one else. Finally, she settled on being as vague as possible. "I may have... kissed another girl."

    Nora wished she was exaggerated when she says that Kristen squealed. In her typical style, she launched into her questions, "Oh my god, Nora! Who was it? Did you like it? Was it just a kiss?"

    "Oh, jeez," Nora sighed, pushing her hair out of her face as the questions ran through her mind, "I can't say, yes, and yes! I swear, nothing besides a kiss. Not even tongue."

    "Boring," Kristen drawled, running a hand through her wavy red hair. "Okay, but, you liked it?"

    "I did and that's the part that's fucking terrifying," the blonde said with a laugh, but the nerves could still be heard in her voice. She was shaking, but still attempted to contain the nerves. "Like, the only person I've ever liked romantically is Mason, so this is all completely new to me. God, I'm such a late bloomer, aren't I?"

    Amarie simply scoffed with a small laugh to accompany it, "Honey, some people don't realize they're gay until they're like... 40. I think you're good. Also, you really can't tell us who the girl was?"

    She sighed, shaking her head. "It doesn't even mean anything, she won't even talk to me because of it. She's convinced it's too soon after Mason."

    "Well, she's kind of right," Kristen gently suggested.

    Nora knew they were right. Of course, they were. No matter what she had Kristen and Amarie by her side. All thanks to an all star cheer program from when Nora and Amarie were nine. From then on, they were inseparable. When Kristen came around, it was no different; she just became the third best friend. The only time they ever fought was when Kristen had come to Nora crying because she liked Amarie but wouldn't dare ruin the friendship. Now, here they are.     Nora, of course, still third-wheeling, but they found their comfort in each other and none of them were ever willing to give them up. Kristen always jokes that the reason her and Amarie are still together after so long is because neither of them want to lose Nora, but she knows they're just meant for each other. All Nora wanted was to find the Kristen to her Amarie, but she already failed once. Now, she was too nervous to really try again.

    Sighing, all she could bring herself to say was, "I wanna hate him. He's a fucking dirtbag. But I loved him. I do love him."

    "And that is exactly why you can't throw yourself into anything with anyone new, okay?" Kristen advised and Nora knew she had to take some time to herself, but Edison was so charming and alluring it was hard to even want to get away from her. "I don't care how hot or nice or charming she is, whoever this girl is."

    "Starting something with someone, especially if it's a girl and you're still questioning things with that, you'll just confuse yourself more than you need to. Normally, I believe in rebounds, but not for a relationship as long as you and Mason's. You just need girl-time and healthy coping skills," Amarie explained while one hand gently played with Nora's blonde locks. "Whoever this girl is, if she's worth it, she can wait for you to get your shit together."

    "Fuck yeah! I agree!" Kristen exclaimed holding her hand out for a high-five, which Amarie smacked with laughter at the utter ridiculous behavior of her girlfriend.

    Nora just shook her head, but she was still giggling underneath her chastising. "You guys are crazy. Crazy, but right."

    "Oh, I know I'm right," Amarie scoffed confidently with absolutely no hesitation. "Never ever ever put your relationship before your mental and emotional health. Ever ever!"

    "I'm just fucking lost," Nora sighed, tousseling her blonde hair and surely turning it into a mess. However, it wasn't like she cared very much. "Sexuality is so stupid! Why did I have to start questioning it? Ugh! I really screwed myself over."

    "Hun, it's high school. Everyone is lost in their own way. It's about time you stopped pretending that everything in your life is perfect," Kristen mused as a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

    This was the saddest thing for Nora to realize. For the longest time, everything was perfect. She had the perfect boyfriend, her acceptance came from NYU, she had amazing friends. Everything was a movie and Nora practically had an Oscar nomination. Now, the whole life she had on track for herself had gone off the rails all because of her stupid boyfriend and a girl who made her feel things she would never understand. She lost grip of her perfection and now she was grasping at straws trying to keep it all together. Without her dream, who was she? The worst, most devastating part of the past few days was how quickly Nora began to realize she couldn't remember the last time she felt like herself. It was disheartening to feel so separate from everything she knew. Maybe it was for the better, but she had her rose-colored glasses ripped off her face so now, all she saw was what had been glazed over in her haze of ideality. She was unequivocally falling apart.