𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐃

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Nineteen

    For the first time in a long time, Nora felt as though she was getting somewhere with herself, getting better. Well, she could only hope. She had a lot of work to do, but just getting the hope and motivation to get better was half the work. The one thing she had yet to work on, though, was truly make amends with Eloise which was driving her just a little bit insane. Being so distant from her sister left a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. However, the silence between them was suddenly broken when Nora's phone rang, disturbing the soft music flowing through her earbuds.

    Furrowing her brow, she wondered why Eloise would be calling her. She still answered regardless, though, because she missed her sister and she hated how tense things were between the two of them as of late. She would never let a call from her sister go to voicemail, no matter the circumstances.

    It seemed a resolution was the last thing on Eloise's mind, considering she answered the phone with, "You're going to prom with a girl?"

    Nora's heart skipped a beat; no, it stopped completely. How did she find out? There was no way to truly deny it, but lying by omission was seriously becoming a skill of hers. "Yeah, I go to dances with Kristen and Amarie all the time. I'm practically a professional third wheel, El. Is that all you called me for?"

    "Nora, I know you asked Edison to prom and that she said yes and you guys are going as dates. It was on nrhsgossip. I had to check my old school's anonymous gossip account to find out about my sister's sexuality crisis. Why didn't you tell me?"

    Her breath hitched as she was at an utter loss for words. What could she say? She had no plans to come out to her sister yet, especially when she was still terrified to utter those words out loud. It would change everything. When she didn't respond, Eloise continued.

    "You know I don't care, right? You've always been my sister and my best friend and you always will be no matter what, I just... I'm sorry you felt like you had to hide it from me."

    "No," Nora finally found her words, "I should be the one who's sorry. The way I yelled at you was awful and bitchy and I didn't even mean a word that I said, but even that doesn't make it okay. I want you in my life, I always have and I always will. I just... you caught me at a time where I didn't know what was going on or what anything meant so I pushed you away and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. I've hated not talking to you, El. You have no idea how much I missed you over these past couple years. I want things to be the way they used to be, but we both changed so much I wasn't ready to adapt. I don't think either of us were. I love you, El and I want us to be close again. I'm sorry."

    "Nor..." Eloise began, but it was clear she didn't know what to say. She was quiet for so long, Nora almost thought that she had hung up. After a moment that went on for far too long, the girl found her words, although it almost sounded like she was crying. "I missed you, too. God, I hate being mad at you because there's so many things I wanna tell you, but then I remember I'm supposed to be mad!"    

    Both girls laughed at this, Nora wiping her quiet tears as she responded, "You always were so bad at holding grudges. You wanna know something I've been dying to tell you?"

    "What?"

    Well, here goes nothing. "Well, I'm about ninety-percent sure that I'm bi. And I am about a hundred-percent sure that I've got an utterly hopeless crush on Edison. I don't think I've really said either of those things out loud, like, ever. Wow."

    "Nora, you know I'm going to love you no matter what. You could tell me you killed someone and I would probably help you hide the body," Eloise joked, but then her tone became more serious, "but seriously, thank you for telling me. I am honored to be the first family member you officially came out to. I say family member because I'm assuming Kristen and Amarie already know?"

    "Oh, yeah, most definitely," Nora laughed. She felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off her chest. No more lying by omission necessary. Whoever said the truth will set you free wasn't kidding. The feeling of Eloise finally knowing the real truth was nothing short of euphoric. "I don't wanna lose you again, El."

    She could hear her sister sniffling through the phone as she said, "And you're never going to. I promise. Now, tell me, do you have your dress yet? Corsages? Are you guys gonna match? I wanna know everything about the girl my sister is taking to prom! I've heard quite the rumors about this Edison girl, but I wanna know everything from your point of view, now!"

    "Well, first things first, girls are confusing as hell. I thought asshole boys were going to be my biggest worry, but Eddie and I have had this weird "will they, won't they" thing going on for like two months now and I was exhausted and confused so I said fuck it and asked her to prom and I've been freaking out ever since she said yes. So, really I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I could really use a big sister right now, if I'm being honest."

    "Well, you've got me all night," Eloise laughed and Nora knew how lucky she was in this moment. "I mean, I do start exams tomorrow, but that's tomorrow's problem. Why are you freaking out? She said yes! You're done with the hard part!"

    Nora sighed. She decided to give up on lying and lay it out there on the line. If there was anyone in the world she could trust, it was going to be Eloise. "I feel like I'm her secret. Like, ever since I asked her, we only seem to hang out in the dead of night and middle of nowhere, she barely talks to me at school when she used to all the time. It feels like the more people know we have something going on, the more she hides that fact and it feels like shit. I mean, I accidentally outed myself to the whole school, but she's the one that's ashamed. I just hate not knowing what's going on with her and I hate the feeling it gives me."

    "I love you, Nora, but you need to have this conversation with Edison," Eloise advised, sounding unsure, "She better have her reasons or I'm flying back to kick her ass, though. After Mason, anyone who hurts my baby sister is gonna get to talk to my fists. I'm not afraid to hit a girl! I am one so it practically cancels out, right?"

    Nora laughed despite her raging emotions causing the typical storm inside of her. "I don't think violence is the answer, but don't think I don't appreciate the sentiment. I just... I hate confrontation it makes me feel... icky."

    "That's how ninety-percent of real life is going to feel, might as well get some exposure therapy with something easy!" was what her sister offered her, which in all honesty, wasn't that bad advice. If there was someone Nora could trust to have that type of conversation with, it was going to be Edison. At least, she hopes that was the case. She wanted to trust Edison, she really did, but she was utterly terrified of being let down. She couldn't stand to get heartbroken again, not with everything with Mason being such a fresh wound on her heart. All she wanted was a good end to a senior year and a good send-off to New York. Was that so much to ask for? According to the last few weeks, apparently it was.

    "I think I'm gonna have a talk with her," Nora decided, knowing it was better to get this over with rather than worry about it constantly. Little things like this were going to eat her alive. "Thank you, Eloise, for everything."

    "What are big sisters for?" the girl laughed over the phone, "Good luck with the girl. I expect prom pics to be sent to me the moment after they're taken!"

    Nora giggled, "Okay, okay, as you wish. I'll talk to you later."

    The two bid their goodbyes and Nora huffed as she took in the sudden silence and what these next few moments were going to mean to her. She couldn't keep feeling like this, she deserved these answers. So, she opened up her messages with Edison.

    We need to talk. On my terms this time.