kagehina: jackets

Part VII

     The two plopped down on the grass, Hinata sniffling and Kageyama with his eyes closed. Both sifting through the conversation and stealing glancing at each other once in a while. Hinata swiped a tear falling down his chin. He wasn't supposed to be crying. Kageyama reciprocated his feelings, so why wasn't he jumping for joy? Instead, his cheek throbbed where Kageyama had slapped it and everything felt like a mess. Like it was breaking apart.

     And Hinata understood why the girl had cried when Kageyama had turned her down. There was something despairing about liking someone so seemingly far away. Something devastating. Another tear dripped onto Hinata's chin.

     "Hey, Hinata." Kageyama picked at some grass. The anger was out of his voice. He sounded tired.

     "Yeah?" Hinata turned to face him. Their bags were splayed on the grass and an apple had escaped Kageyama's bag. Kageyama looked washed out under the lone street light.

     "I went on that date because I couldn't date you. I needed some kind of distraction. Volleyball didn't work because by default I'd try to toss to you. And I knew what it was like to like someone who'd never like you back. How hopeless it was. If I could relieve the girl of a little pain, a little heartbreak, isn't that a good thing?" Kageyama let the question hang in the air.

     No. It's not. Hinata wanted to slap Kageyama back. Not at all. But a part of him understood. The hopelessness, he was familiar with that.

     "I'm not done telling you how I feel. It's - I won't slap you again." Kageyama let out some pent up air when Hinata didn't answer.

     Hinata nodded. At this point, he might as well hear what Kageyama had to say. They were in too deep and he didn't know what to say himself.

     "I meant what I said before. I like you. I like you a lot, and it's been on my chest for a while now. It's been suffocating to see you. But, it's more annoying because I still want to see you. Despite the pain. Because of the good moments. Like the way you looked after you hit one of my tosses. Or laughing at a joke. Or in my jacket. Especially then." Hinata stared downwards, not meeting Kageyama's eyes. It sounded as if liking him was like going through hell and back. Well, that's how he felt too. At least that had one thing in common.

     "I'm sorry I slapped you." Kageyama sighed. Then he seemed to steel his nerves. "Forgive me."

     Hinata raised his face. His breath was a little uneven but he knew he was supposed to address Kageyama's broken up confession. "I-"

     And then Kageyama leaned forwards and kissed Hinata on the cheek. Right where he had just slapped it.

     "Stupid! You can't just kiss me!" Hinata cried out. But his heart wasn't in it. He hated his heart for still racing, still skipping a beat when Kageyama kissed him. Still wanting what it shouldn't.

     "You despise me, don't you? Before you hate me completely, I wanted to do that. Once." Kageyama bowed his head. Hinata realized that's what Kageyama had been asking forgiveness for. Not the slap, but the impromptu kiss. 

     "I don't hate you. And that doesn't make it excusable," Hinata mumbled. Then again, if Kageyama wanted to kiss him, it was better than being slapped.

     Kageyama was silent. Hinata sensed no regret from him.

     "Let me tell you how I feel." Hinata put it out there. Kageyama had already gone and put a lot out on the line, Hinata felt like Kageyama deserved the truth from him. Even if Hinata wasn't completely sure of it himself. Kageyama nodded.

     "Like this." Hinata stood up and grabbed Kageyama's hand. He pulled him up, so they were both standing. Hinata leaped onto a park bench so he was a little taller than Kageyama and put his hands on his hips. Before he could overthink it, Hinata just let the words tumble out. He forced himself to talk, to throw away all his fears because they were already too deep to stop now. There was no way to backtrack.

     "I feel like I should be on top of the world right now, because you like me back. And I like you. But I also feel sick knowing I've put you in pain. But you also made me sick Kageyama, when you went on that date and when you shut me out. Whenever the thought crossed my mind you might like me, maybe as more than a friend, I shut it down so fast because there was no way in hell you'd be caught with me. So I'm a mess right now and have no idea what to do. I'm in shock. But you know what I do know," Hinata paused. He stared at Kageyama. The setter had flinched a few times at Hinata's speech but met his eyes somewhat evenly.

     "I, Shoyo Hinata, like Tobio Kageyama." Hinata raised his trembling voice. He didn't know much, but he knew this. "I know that with certainty."

     "You're so stupid," Kageyama responded, blinking faster. They were only a few inches apart. The wind rustled and the moon shone. And the two boys stood face to face, hating and loving each other.

     "I also know," Hinata continued before he could lose his nerve. He was shaking with fear and exhilaration and wonder. He tried to remember how to breathe. "If Tobio Kageyama doesn't move in the next five seconds, he'll be kissed by Shoyo Hinata."