Secrets | Reddie Fanfic

Swings

I don't ask for a ride home from anyone, I didn't want to explain myself. I speed walk through the street with no direction whatsoever. My heart felt as if it was violently shredding itself through my chest needing to escape. All I wanted to do was scream and curse out the world for everything that has led to this very moment. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, but as much as I wanted someone by my side, who was I to turn to?

That's when it hit me; Cassie Learner knew everything. I call her up and impatiently wait to hear her voice.

"It's twelve o'clock, isn't that past your bedtime?" She answers.

I reply, with a voice so on the brink of tears is squeaked, "Can you pick me up?"

"Yeah, uh, where are you?" She frantically asks.

I say, "I'm at the entrance of West End."

"Oh shit, I live really close to that neighborhood. I'll be there in less than five minutes, hold tight."

I tried my hardest to hold back my tears, but it was an impossible task. I stared at the dark sky, trying to absorb them back in, all while I see her Acura pull up beside me.

She's in boxer shorts, a small white tank top, and socks. Sleep was probably on her schedule, but instead got bombarded by a sad boy who needed company. She drove right back to her house and insisted that the two of us walk to a small park located by the entrance of her own neighborhood. I followed close as she led me there. Her street didn't have many lights, it was nearly pitch black, but she knew her way around. We each take a seat on a swing, neither of us moving though.

Cassie doesn't say a word, she waits for me to do the talking. 

I sigh,

"I've never had a worse night in my entire fucking life."

"I'm sorry, Eddie," she replies, not even bothering to ask what was wrong or what had happened to make my night so shitty. I think that was one of her strong suits, she knew how to handle people in fucked up situations. She's had a lot of practice her whole life.

"Richie fucking sucks," I whisper.

She sits up a bit higher and now questions, "What did he do?"

I explain, "We got caught kissing, by Henry Bowers of all people, and he told him I initiated it. That I came on him and that he wasn't gay and that he's still Mr. fucking perfect."

"Fuck," she sighs.

I continue, "He's fucking selfish. I hate whoever the hell he thinks he is. I hate him. What gives him the right to just throw me under the bus like I'm nothing? Like my feelings don't fucking matter? I'm so mad at him, Cassie. I thought he was someone else, but he just isn't."

"Do you think he loves you?" She asks me.

I shake my head, "I don't know. At one point I think I did, but the more I thought about it the more stupid it seemed. He doesn't love anything, but lying and acting like someone he fucking isn't. I don't think he can love anyone even more so now."

"Richie can love, trust me," she tells me.

I disagree, "I just don't know how true that is anymore."

"I'm not sticking up for Richie, trust me that's the last thing I'd want to do right now, but here me out. Maybe he's apprehensive because he knows he realistically can't be with you. The last time he shared an intimacy like this with another man, shit hit the fan. His dad disowned him, Miles moved away, he hated himself. Now listen, you should be mad at him because what he did was extremely fucked up. If you want to drop him like I did, you have every single right to, I'm not going to try to convince you otherwise, but just take everything into consideration. And, just for the record, I know he's capable of loving someone. I've seen it and felt it firsthand."

I didn't have anything else to say, I just needed to think now. I got my thoughts and frustration out, thankfully. It was up to me and me alone to decide what happens next. I just needed time and a lot of it right now.

"Thank you for talking to me, and picking me up. It means so fucking much. I think I;m just going to walk home, though. I'll see you tomorrow?" I announce.

"Tomorrow?" she asks.

I elaborate, "For the English project. I'll text you my address in the morning, if you want."
"Oh, okay. Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride home? It wouldn't be a big deal at all, I swear."

I assure, "I'm fine, thank you though."