Secrets | Reddie Fanfic

Cigarettes at Four in the Morning

Richie's P.O.V

I reach out for the doorknob, but I am beat by someone from the opposite side. Once the door completely opens, I'm frozen in complete shock. Neither me nor the face staring back at me moves a muscle, but the girl previously beside him races towards other people. It feels as though no one else is in the room besides for me and the other boy. I assume Eddie is still behind me, but in actuality I have no idea since my brain blurs everyone else away. It's a scene straight out of a movie, my own personal horror film. What was going on in his head? He has to be filled with hatred, he has to despise me. I left him with no explanation, no way of saying goodbye. I never thought the day would come where I'd be standing face to face with the person who changed my entire life, but here it was. Here he was.

He wore glasses now, they were small and round, presentably intellectual. He didn't need glasses to look smart though, he was plenty bright on his own. His eyes were just as blue and his hair just as voluptuous. He grew taller, practically my height now. Did he think I have changed? Did he notice how much weight I've lost since knowing him or how much paler my skin grew? Did he notice that after all of this time I am still wearing the same shoes he met me in? Neither of us speak up for a while, until finally he makes the first move.

"Hey," The boy nervously lets out.

I can't focus on his eyes, so I look towards his feet and respond, "Hi Miles."

Then nothing once again. I wonder if this is evenly as torturous for him as it is for me. I have a million thoughts racing through my brain, yet I can say nothing. Do I take him elsewhere and talk? Do I run and hide forever? How do I speak to anyone, even Eddie? I want to talk but my throat is completely closed up, allowing neither air nor words to float. My eyes begin to furiously burn and I repeat do not fucking cry right now a million times internally.

He smiles, not a kosher one but one as sufficient as I can expect from him. Then he walks away from me and shuffles through people to get to the bar. Just like that, he's gone again. I don't want to think anymore, so I walk through the door. For all I knew I was standing at the doorway for hours, when it probably was only seconds. I race to my car, not even realizing that Eddie calls my name repeatedly.

"Rich!"

"What?" I finally react.

He replies, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I lie straight through my teeth. It's obvious I am not, but Eddie doesn't seem to correct me. It's not like I haven't lied to him before.

The whole ride home I blast rap music, so loud my brain can't focus on anything. I don't drive to Eddie's house, instead the small park inside my old best friend's neighborhood. My brain moves slower whenever I'm here, so I figure it might work tonight. I lead him to Cassie and I's bench and we sit. Neither of us speak, I wish I were able to though. I have never been very good at talking, especially when it came to things that matter like this. My throat closes up and I have no power over it. Cassie was always good at reading me so I barely had to let the words out, she just would know.

"This has to be a lot, and weird, and I don't expect you to understand how you're feel right now," Eddie whispers.

I place my head on his shoulder and he wiggles closer.

I wheep, "I just never thought I'd see him again. It's karma for leaving someone so kind in such a cruel, vicious way. It, it's like no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I didn't completely fuck up, that I did the right thing in some weird way, I'm always reassured that I ruined things. That I am a bad fucking person. I thought when I met you it was a reward, something telling me I was done getting handed utter shit. Then he comes back, out of nowhere."