A piece of my mind

CHAPTER 1

NATALIE

"I'm sorry, I love you so much but I can't do this anymore. I have to leave for Paris tomorrow and I'll be staying there for good." the man holds my cheeks softly, looking into my eyes with pain.

"But you said you'd never live me?" there comes my voice again, but I am sure that I'm not opening my mouth.

"I'm sorry..." he cried and whispers.

He let go of me and take a step back, the girl inside me yells and held her hands in front trying to reach for him. "Brandon! Come back please!"

The man turn away from me, I can feel my  heavy heart it's like I'm the one breaking down. I just stand there watching him walk away. It was just like that until I saw the commotions and heard gun shots everywhere. Then it happened again, I was shot clutching my chest as the bullet went through my body, as I slowly drop to the muddy soil while Brandon is hugging me crying for help.

I wake up immediately sitting down trying to calm myself  feeling my heart beating so fast, still catching my breath as large pricks of sweat baths me. Inhaling deeply, I holding my cheeks with both palms to pull my shits together. I don't know why I keep on having those tragic dreams and it's so weird because it felt so realistic. It's like an exhibit of memory that doesn't belongs to me, like someone inserted a memory card inside my brain.

And I doubt that it's my memory because the setting looks like the old times, the trains, the clothes, and the environment. Standing up, I went to the kitchen and drink a cold glass of water. It started when I was younger, way back it was just happy ones, but as I grow older it became more mature like it's really getting into me. I just don't get it.

"Natalie, wake up." whispering to myself as I look up to the ceiling.

*****

"Mom, can you hand me the foil please?" holding my hand out as I arranged the muffins in the dessert tray.

Mom enters the kitchen holding the aluminum foil, "Whoo what a mess Nat, what's the foil for?"

"Oh I made a blueberry pie, since I still have a lot left. I'm thinking of bringing it to Dad's."

"Your Dad's?" Mom repeats as she lean on the kitchen arc. "Tonight?"

"Yes Mom, why?" I snort, "Don't tell me you're jealous? I can bake you another one if you like."

"Naaah, you go and feed that asshole and his puss." I laugh at mom's bitterness towards his ex-husband, "I don't care. Just go home before dinner, I have a surprise for you."

I stop at my tracks and ask her, "What is it?"

"Honey, it's not called a surprise for nothing." Mom starts walking inside the kitchen, cleaning the mess I made. "Now go to our sperm donor and tell him to take a good care of his ugly fiancé like how he failed in taking care of us."

"Mom that's really rude." shaking my head as I chuckle. "You know I wouldn't tell him that, right?"

Mom just wrinkle her face and say, "Was hoping to, but yeah I raised you well, so I know you wouldn't dare. But just so, you know, he deserves it."

"Alright I'll go now." Picking up the foil covered pie from the kitchen table, I kiss my mom and walk out.

"Before dinner, okay?" Mom yells, "Take care, I love you!"

Yelling back as I open my car door and place the pie to the shotgun seat, "I know, Love you too mom!"

The drive to my dad's house wasn't that long he just lives one town away from us. He was at the garage holding a water hose, sprinkling it to his car to wash the remaining soaps away. I honk the horn twice and pop my head out of the window with a beam. My dad turn around with his eyes squinting from the sunlight trying to recognize me.

"Good Afternoon, Mr. Douglas Brown!" I greet, imitating one of his workmates.

"Natalie!" He calls and laughs upon recognizing me, opening his arms telling me to hug him. "Hey there sweetie."

Getting out of the car, I run to him, giving a rib cage bone cracking hug. "I bought something you'd like."

"If it's your mom, I won't take that." Dad jokes.

I laugh at him, "Naaah, she doesn't like to see you either. Here I made this for you." I held the pie up for him to see.

"Oh god, you baked again!" Dad giddily say, "Oh how I miss this! Thank you, Nat. Come, Let's get inside."

Dad took the pie from my hand after turning off the faucet and lead the way into his house. As usual Megan is there walking around the house with her large bump.

"Hi Natalie!" Megan greets when she sees me. "It's so good to see you, how are you?"

She come up to kiss my cheeks, "I've been great. Thanks."

I still feel awkward around her. I still remember the day I walk in them making out, mom was out of town meeting with her business partners for the possible expansion of the family business. Mom finds out a few months later and kick Dad's butt out of the house.

"So how's the college application, doing?" Dad starts a conversation while slicing the pie.

I shrug my shoulder and answer, "Haven't heard back yet."

"Well, I'm sure you'll get it. You're a smart girl." Megan cheers me up as she softly rubs my back.

"Thanks." giving her a tight smile as I divert my attention to my slice of pie on the plate.

When we finished eating, I walk up to Dad and Megan in the kitchen washing the dishes to say Goodbye. They wanted me to stay for dinner, but I have to decline because I made a promise to my mom. Plus Megan is not a great cook, she can't even cook without her phone beside her but of course I wouldn't say that. Dad just nods and understands, he even volunteered to walk me out of the house. After we said our hugs and goodbyes, I finally went inside my car. Looking back Dad waves at me with a wide smile on his face with his other hand on his pocket, I wave back and drive off.

Entering the house, it was silent.
I thought mom said she'll prepare for dinner. I just close my eyes and breath in deep. Gently closing the front door then hang my coat on the rack before placing my keys and bag at the table. I was about to climb upstairs when the kitchen lights up with mom holding out a black forest cake with a word that says, "Congratulations."

"I know this isn't much, but one of the Universities that you applied just mailed you this and it said that YOU PASSED!" Mom jumps up and down in excitement holding out the white envelope.

Standing there with my mouth agape, as I open the envelope with excitement, this is the last University that I expected to pass because I'm not confident enough about my application letter, and they had a very high standard, I feel so overwhelmed. "I'm going to New York... I'm going to New York! Oh my gosh! Mom! I'M GOING TO NEW YORK!"

"Yes!" Mom says, with her hands covering her face trying not to cry. "Oh I'm so proud of you! It's always been your grandmother's dream, and I'm so glad you made it baby!"

Mom hugs me tight, we can't help but to smile at each other as we eat our dinner. Planning when should I pack up my things and where should I stay. At the end we decided to get my own apartment, so that when Mom visits me there, she won't need to book for a hotel, and I agree because it's more practical than the dorms where I need to share a room with a complete stranger.

Then out of nowhere something inside my head pops up, making me pause for a moment and I blurted out the question, even though I wasn't sure if I could get any answers.

"Mom do you know a man named Brandon?"

Mom chokes on her food, knocking on her chest. I rush towards the fridge and pour on some cold water in her glass. When she finally, calms down, she just looks at me with a wide eyes and say.

"How the hell did you know that guy?"